Received: from mail-fx0-f61.google.com ([209.85.161.61]:38805)
	by stodi.digitalkingdom.org with esmtps (TLSv1:RC4-SHA:128)
	(Exim 4.76)
	(envelope-from <lojban-beginners+bncCOib25n_BhCJ0vfzBBoEzUVg6Q@googlegroups.com>)
	id 1R7TDi-0005Ii-Sv; Sat, 24 Sep 2011 07:28:48 -0700
Received: by fxg17 with SMTP id 17sf5411563fxg.16
        for <multiple recipients>; Sat, 24 Sep 2011 07:28:39 -0700 (PDT)
DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed;
        d=googlegroups.com; s=beta;
        h=x-beenthere:received-spf:mime-version:sender:in-reply-to:references
         :date:message-id:subject:from:to:x-original-sender
         :x-original-authentication-results:reply-to:precedence:mailing-list
         :list-id:x-google-group-id:list-post:list-help:list-archive
         :list-subscribe:list-unsubscribe:content-type;
        bh=t2wpvrAasJEfNPv7Y++sFh0P+FXz0FkxvzjwQu8lfV4=;
        b=ls81vEejzhMYNIqBbhXHJ5Yp/XZ49rxEk3uRmsrKnxgxyptuYruQfOsQXeVl7Vpgen
         QciAjt8V/19ZsafXXdlQNuJNAFB4tjJpZ1EFmBgUzuavYh1TnGyN6p5rGGLlm1J0KAf6
         719e5RHDGOnHCOtO2h4o2CtwTStAX9r+dJV4w=
Received: by 10.223.39.22 with SMTP id d22mr65521fae.44.1316874505502;
        Sat, 24 Sep 2011 07:28:25 -0700 (PDT)
X-BeenThere: lojban-beginners@googlegroups.com
Received: by 10.204.2.69 with SMTP id 5ls974746bki.1.gmail; Sat, 24 Sep 2011
 07:28:24 -0700 (PDT)
Received: by 10.204.141.199 with SMTP id n7mr1051661bku.0.1316874504029;
        Sat, 24 Sep 2011 07:28:24 -0700 (PDT)
Received: by 10.204.141.199 with SMTP id n7mr1051659bku.0.1316874504006;
        Sat, 24 Sep 2011 07:28:24 -0700 (PDT)
Received: from mail-fx0-f53.google.com (mail-fx0-f53.google.com [209.85.161.53])
        by gmr-mx.google.com with ESMTPS id a4si2202758fad.3.2011.09.24.07.28.23
        (version=TLSv1/SSLv3 cipher=OTHER);
        Sat, 24 Sep 2011 07:28:23 -0700 (PDT)
Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of rpglover64@gmail.com designates 209.85.161.53 as permitted sender) client-ip=209.85.161.53;
Received: by fxh2 with SMTP id 2so5006897fxh.12
        for <lojban-beginners@googlegroups.com>; Sat, 24 Sep 2011 07:28:23 -0700 (PDT)
MIME-Version: 1.0
Received: by 10.223.76.201 with SMTP id d9mr6992920fak.119.1316874503821; Sat,
 24 Sep 2011 07:28:23 -0700 (PDT)
Sender: lojban-beginners@googlegroups.com
Received: by 10.152.38.9 with HTTP; Sat, 24 Sep 2011 07:28:23 -0700 (PDT)
In-Reply-To: <20092238.2751.1316865020121.JavaMail.geo-discussion-forums@yqjw35>
References: <11340793.641.1316264331285.JavaMail.geo-discussion-forums@yqcd38>
	<20092238.2751.1316865020121.JavaMail.geo-discussion-forums@yqjw35>
Date: Sat, 24 Sep 2011 10:28:23 -0400
Message-ID: <CALm==BVjV=L+TYd1VhpcUoACSg4AAyQzjGeL=fOv842xCdj7uw@mail.gmail.com>
Subject: Re: [lojban-beginners] "The Beautiful Future". Version 3 (was "One
 popular Russian song in Lojban")
From: ".arpis." <rpglover64+jbobau@gmail.com>
To: lojban-beginners@googlegroups.com
X-Original-Sender: rpglover64@gmail.com
X-Original-Authentication-Results: gmr-mx.google.com; spf=pass (google.com:
 domain of rpglover64@gmail.com designates 209.85.161.53 as permitted sender)
 smtp.mail=rpglover64@gmail.com; dkim=pass (test mode) header.i=@gmail.com
Reply-To: lojban-beginners@googlegroups.com
Precedence: list
Mailing-list: list lojban-beginners@googlegroups.com; contact lojban-beginners+owners@googlegroups.com
List-ID: <lojban-beginners.googlegroups.com>
X-Google-Group-Id: 300742228892
List-Post: <http://groups.google.com/group/lojban-beginners/post?hl=en_US>, <mailto:lojban-beginners@googlegroups.com>
List-Help: <http://groups.google.com/support/?hl=en_US>, <mailto:lojban-beginners+help@googlegroups.com>
List-Archive: <http://groups.google.com/group/lojban-beginners?hl=en_US>
List-Subscribe: <http://groups.google.com/group/lojban-beginners/subscribe?hl=en_US>,
 <mailto:lojban-beginners+subscribe@googlegroups.com>
List-Unsubscribe: <http://groups.google.com/group/lojban-beginners/subscribe?hl=en_US>,
 <mailto:lojban-beginners+unsubscribe@googlegroups.com>
Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary=00151747bdba03999704adb0bd1d
X-Spam-Score: -0.7 (/)
X-Spam_score: -0.7
X-Spam_score_int: -6
X-Spam_bar: /

--00151747bdba03999704adb0bd1d
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=KOI8-R
Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

The first verse is great.
The refrain is great, except that I'd suggest seeing if you can use {co'a}
as a tense for the last {klama}.

{tutre} doesn't appear to be a word, and {tutra} doesn't seem to make sense
in its place. Be aware that the first two lines indicate {lo voksa cu klacp=
e
lo tcemanci tutre}.

{cpedu} is more like =D0=D2=CF=D3=C9=D4 than like =D3=D0=D2=C1=DB=C9=D7=C1=
=C5=D4. The second half of the
second verse is ungrammatical because it doesn't have a main selbri. {ca lu
...} means that {junri cpedu} is happening at the same time as {lu ...},
whatever that means.
It's just barely okay not to terminate {lu} because you're in a song and a
new verse is starting, but in conversation, this would be confusing.

The last line of the second verse isn't what you meant: first of all, {pu d=
o
gunka} means "work before you" and since "you" is not a point in time, it
doesn't make much sense; second, tags continue to increase if not explicitl=
y
tagged, so you have {fi lo balvi zmadu pu do gunka fo ma}, which doesn't
make sense since {gunka} doesn't have a fourth place.

The first part of the last verse is great.
The last line of the last verse seems wrong, though. I still don't like
{pa'o} when what you really mean is {mo'i re'o} or {ve ka'a}, and {lo no
farna barna pluta} means that the path doesn't exist, not that the trace
doesn't exist.

Thank you very much for doing this, and I look forward to your next attempt=
,
which will probably be ready or almost ready.

On Sat, Sep 24, 2011 at 7:50 AM, gleki <gleki.is.my.name@gmail.com> wrote:

> So here is my new translation.
>
>
> Please check this one.
>
>
> VERSION 3.
>
>
> tirna fa mi fe lo melbi balvi voksa
> ku noi jbini fe lo cerni dirgo ku
> .i da voksa .ije du'i lo nu vofli
> ku lo trina pluta ku macri'a mi
>
>
> .i doi lo melbi balvi
> ku ko fe mi na jursa
> .i pe'u doi darbalvi
> ko jimpe fi mi
> .i fe lo klina krasi
> ku fi lo melbi balvi
> .e lo nu manci balvi
> ku klama ca fa mi
>
>
> tirna fa mi fe lo melbi balvi voksa
> ku noi klacpe lo tcemanci tutre ku
> .i lo voksa ku noi junri cpedu ca lu
> fi lo balvi zmadu pu do gunka ma
>
>
> .i mi nupre lo nu mi ba vrude zmadu
> gi'e sidju lo mi pendo ku ro roi
> .i da voksa .ije sutra klama fa mi
> pa'o lo no farna barna pluta ku
>
> --
> You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups
> "Lojban Beginners" group.
> To view this discussion on the web visit
> https://groups.google.com/d/msg/lojban-beginners/-/YKcOt9JCy4YJ.
> To post to this group, send email to lojban-beginners@googlegroups.com.
> To unsubscribe from this group, send email to
> lojban-beginners+unsubscribe@googlegroups.com.
> For more options, visit this group at
> http://groups.google.com/group/lojban-beginners?hl=3Den.
>



--=20
mu'o mi'e .arpis.

--=20
You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "=
Lojban Beginners" group.
To post to this group, send email to lojban-beginners@googlegroups.com.
To unsubscribe from this group, send email to lojban-beginners+unsubscribe@=
googlegroups.com.
For more options, visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/lojban=
-beginners?hl=3Den.


--00151747bdba03999704adb0bd1d
Content-Type: text/html; charset=KOI8-R
Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

The first verse is great.<br>The refrain is great, except that I&#39;d sugg=
est seeing if you can use {co&#39;a} as a tense for the last {klama}.<br><b=
r>{tutre} doesn&#39;t appear to be a word, and {tutra} doesn&#39;t seem to =
make sense in its place. Be aware that the first two lines indicate {lo vok=
sa cu klacpe lo tcemanci tutre}.<br>
<br>{cpedu} is more like =D0=D2=CF=D3=C9=D4 than like =D3=D0=D2=C1=DB=C9=D7=
=C1=C5=D4. The second half of the second verse is ungrammatical because it =
doesn&#39;t have a main selbri. {ca lu ...} means that {junri cpedu} is hap=
pening at the same time as {lu ...}, whatever that means.<br>
It&#39;s just barely okay not to terminate {lu} because you&#39;re in a son=
g and a new verse is starting, but in conversation, this would be confusing=
.<br><br>The last line of the second verse isn&#39;t what you meant: first =
of all, {pu do gunka} means &quot;work before you&quot; and since &quot;you=
&quot; is not a point in time, it doesn&#39;t make much sense; second, tags=
 continue to increase if not explicitly tagged, so you have {fi lo balvi zm=
adu pu do gunka fo ma}, which doesn&#39;t make sense since {gunka} doesn&#3=
9;t have a fourth place.<br>
<br>The first part of the last verse is great.<br>The last line of the last=
 verse seems wrong, though. I still don&#39;t like {pa&#39;o} when what you=
 really mean is {mo&#39;i re&#39;o} or {ve ka&#39;a}, and {lo no farna barn=
a pluta} means that the path doesn&#39;t exist, not that the trace doesn&#3=
9;t exist.<br>
<br>Thank you very much for doing this, and I look forward to your next att=
empt, which will probably be ready or almost ready.<br><br><div class=3D"gm=
ail_quote">On Sat, Sep 24, 2011 at 7:50 AM, gleki <span dir=3D"ltr">&lt;<a =
href=3D"mailto:gleki.is.my.name@gmail.com">gleki.is.my.name@gmail.com</a>&g=
t;</span> wrote:<br>
<blockquote class=3D"gmail_quote" style=3D"margin:0 0 0 .8ex;border-left:1p=
x #ccc solid;padding-left:1ex;">So here is my new translation.<br><br><br>P=
lease check this one.<br><br><br>VERSION 3.<br><br><br>tirna fa mi fe lo me=
lbi balvi voksa<br>
ku noi jbini fe lo cerni dirgo ku<br>.i da voksa .ije du&#39;i lo nu vofli<=
br>ku lo trina pluta ku macri&#39;a mi<br><br><br>.i doi lo melbi balvi<br>=
ku ko fe mi na jursa<br>.i pe&#39;u doi darbalvi<br>ko jimpe fi mi<br>.i fe=
 lo klina krasi<br>
ku fi lo melbi balvi<br>.e lo nu manci balvi<br>ku klama ca fa mi<br><br><b=
r>tirna fa mi fe lo melbi balvi voksa<br>ku noi klacpe lo tcemanci tutre ku=
<br>.i lo voksa ku noi junri cpedu ca lu<br>fi lo balvi zmadu pu do gunka m=
a<br>
<br><br>.i mi nupre lo nu mi ba vrude zmadu<br>gi&#39;e sidju lo mi pendo k=
u ro roi<br>.i da voksa .ije sutra klama fa mi<br>pa&#39;o lo no farna barn=
a pluta ku<br><font color=3D"#888888">

<p></p>

-- <br>
You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups &=
quot;Lojban Beginners&quot; group.<br>
To view this discussion on the web visit <a href=3D"https://groups.google.c=
om/d/msg/lojban-beginners/-/YKcOt9JCy4YJ" target=3D"_blank">https://groups.=
google.com/d/msg/lojban-beginners/-/YKcOt9JCy4YJ</a>.<br>=20
To post to this group, send email to <a href=3D"mailto:lojban-beginners@goo=
glegroups.com" target=3D"_blank">lojban-beginners@googlegroups.com</a>.<br>
To unsubscribe from this group, send email to <a href=3D"mailto:lojban-begi=
nners%2Bunsubscribe@googlegroups.com" target=3D"_blank">lojban-beginners+un=
subscribe@googlegroups.com</a>.<br>

For more options, visit this group at <a href=3D"http://groups.google.com/g=
roup/lojban-beginners?hl=3Den" target=3D"_blank">http://groups.google.com/g=
roup/lojban-beginners?hl=3Den</a>.<br>


</font></blockquote></div><br><br clear=3D"all"><br>-- <br>mu&#39;o mi&#39;=
e .arpis.<br><br>

<p></p>

-- <br />
You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "=
Lojban Beginners" group.<br />
To post to this group, send email to lojban-beginners@googlegroups.com.<br =
/>
To unsubscribe from this group, send email to lojban-beginners+unsubscribe@=
googlegroups.com.<br />

For more options, visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/lojban=
-beginners?hl=3Den.<br />



--00151747bdba03999704adb0bd1d--