Return-Path: Message-Id: Date: Wed, 20 Mar 91 01:43 EST From: lojbab (Bob LeChevalier) To: lojban-list Subject: lojban poetry, anyone? Status: RO X-From-Space-Date: Wed Mar 20 01:44:15 1991 X-From-Space-Address: lojbab Michael Helsem sent me a translation of the first stanza of the Esperanto Hymn into Lojban. The original (1), and Michael's English translation (2) are given first. Then comes his Lojban translation (3), into a limerick!? He made only minor errors, none of them grammatical (e.g. the place structure of fasnu has changed, making it non-useful for his purposes. So my correction of his translation (4) is immediately after with an English translation of it (5). But I wasn't happy with this. Not only would some Esperantists take offense at having their song of great traditional importance turned into a limerick (which in English culture is almost universally used for non-serious verse), it was not a very exact translation of the Esperanto. At Nick Nicholas's instigation, I've lately been translating a bit of poetry, so it was only natural that I tried to do this one. I was surprised to find that my result was rhythmic (though not the exact same rhythm as the original), and it was fairly easy to make it rhyme a little bit too. My new translation is given as (6), and I've added pronunciation and translation (7). But I didn't stop there. I've been carry the seeds of an idea for an ode to Lojban, and this exercise got my writing urge going. Within an hour, I had written my first original Lojban poem, which can be seen to be both rhythmic and, with poetic license, rhyming. This is given as (8) with pronunciation and translation in (9). This is the first poem I've written since 6th grade, some 25 years ago. I'm actually quite pleased with it, and with the fact that it was so easy. Maybe I'll even write more (and inflict it on the world). But one thing is for sure: if >I< can write Lojban poetry, anyone can. (1) La Espero En la mondon venis nova sento, Tra la mondo iras forta voko per flugiloj de facila vento nun de loko flugu gxi al loko (2) Into the world came (a) new feeling, through the world goes (a) strong call; by (the) wings of (a) gentle wind, now fly it from place to place. (3) (lo cnino menjvinu goi ko'a pu fasnu le terdi ku .o'a .i ta'i lo brife ku leko nunjimpe ca selbei fi rolei selvo'a) (4) le cnino menjvinu goi ko'a pu selfri le terdi ku .o'a .i ta'i lo brife ku leko nunjimpe ca selbei fi role selvo'a (5) le cnino menjvinu goi ko'a leh,SHNEE,noh mehn,ZHVEE,noo goi,KOH,hah pu selfri le terdi ku .o'a poo,SEHL,free leh,TEHR,dee ku. OH,hah .i ta'i lo brife .ee,TAH,hee loh,BREE,feh ku le ko nunjimpe koo,LEH,koh noon,ZHEEM,peh ca selbei fi ro le selvo'a shah,SEHL,bei fee,ROH,leh sehl,VOH,hah A (specific) new mind-view (ko'a) is-experienced-by the Earth (Pride!) Having-form a breeze Your (imperative! - Make it true!) thing_understood now is-sent to all-the-voiced_ones. (Michael's intended translation:) ee roo,ROH,deh dah,HAH,da The new thing-emotionally-felt is-experienced-by of-the-mass-of-the-Earth i pe ri'a lenu seljimte loi malgerna (9) doi bangu co satci joi ji'a na'e satci doi,BAHN,goo shoh,SAH,chee zhoi,ZHEE,hah nah-heh,SAH,chee do'u dunda le ko selkai co sidbo velcusku doh-hoo,DOON,dah leh-koh,SEHL,kai shoh,SEED,boh vehl,SHOO,skoo loi terdi selvo'a noi nitcu lo nintadji loi,TEHR,dee sehl,VOH,hah noi,NEE,choo loh-neen,TAH,jee be lo nu menbenji fo loi prenu co simxu beh,LOH,noo mehn,BEHN,zhee foh-loi,PREH,noo shoh,SEEM,khoo O, language of-type exact mixed-with-in-addition non-exact , (something) gives your (imperative - make it true!) characteristic of-type idea expression-mode to of-the-mass-of-the-Earthly voiced-ones, who incidentally need the new-method of events-of mind-sending to of-the-mass-of-persons of-type mutual. O, language, both exact and non-exact, Let your characteristic mode of idea-expression be given to the voiced ones of the earth, who need this new method of mutually communicating between minds. .i doi selmenli co cfipu be le so'imei poi djica .ee-doi-sehl,MEHN,lee shoh,SHFEE,poo beh-leh,SOH-HI,mei poi,JEE,shah le ka jimpe do'u bevri ko le cfari lei zgatirna leh-kah,ZHEEM,peh doh-hoo,BEH,vree koh-leh,SHFAH,ree lei-zgah,TEER,nah .i .e'o ko cu klina selcusku gi'e jicla .ee .EH,hoh koh-shoo,KLEE,nah sehl,SHOO,skoo gee-heh,ZHEESH,lah le no'e farvi pe ri'a le nu seljimte loi malgerna leh-noh-heh,FAHR,vee peh,REE,hah-leh noo-sehl,ZHEEM,teh loi-mahl,GEHR,nah O thought-about-things of-type confusing to-the-many-some who desire understanding-ness, (something) carries you (imperative! - make it true!) from-the initiators to-of-the-observing-hearers (listeners) (Petition!) You (imperative!) be clearly-expressed-things, and stir the neutral-non-developing (stagnant) which-are-caused-by the-event-of being limited-by of-Derogative-Grammar. O ideas which confuse the many who desire understanding, Let yourself be carried from those who initiate you to those who listen. Please be clearly expressed, stirring the stagnation caused by the limits of Grammar. -lojbab