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Subject: [lojban] Re: Elephants Dream first draft
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(Original lines marked with asterisks.)

On Scene 1: Prologue.

*{zu'a mi'o ka'e viska}
This means "To the right of us an... is seeable."
Similarly,
*{ri'u mi'o ka'e viska}
means "To the left of us etc."
You can terminate the FAhA's with {ku} so You get
{zu'aku mi'o ka'e viska}
and
{ri'uku mi'o ka'e viska}.

*{.i roda snura si mulno snura}
I think he's not correcting himself, but confirming
what he has said:
{.i roda snura .i prane snura}.

*{doi .imos.}
{.i} is needed: he begins a new phrase.
Though here I would say
{.i be'e .imos.}
"Emo, may I go on talking to You?"


On Scene 2: Switchboard Trap.

*{na go'i xu do go'i}
Two separate phrases:
{na go'i .i xu do go'i}.

*{.i ko .e mi klama}
Then Emo nods and walks away to the opposite
direction.
{.i ko jo'u mi klama}
"You! together with I go."

*{ma se lidne}
I haven't seen the movie, but isn't this rather
{ca pu'o mo}?

*{do ba viska .i do ba viska}
{do ba viska .i do ja'a go'i}.

Shall I do the changes?

mi'e darves
           
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<div>(Original lines&nbsp;marked with asterisks.)</div>
<div>&nbsp;</div>
<div>On Scene 1: Prologue.</div>
<div>&nbsp;</div>
<div>*{zu'a mi'o ka'e viska}</div>
<div>This means &quot;To the right of us an... is seeable.&quot;</div>
<div>Similarly,</div>
<div>*{ri'u mi'o ka'e viska}</div>
<div>means &quot;To the left of us etc.&quot;</div>
<div>You can terminate the FAhA's with {ku} so You get</div>
<div>{zu'aku mi'o ka'e viska}</div>
<div>and</div>
<div>{ri'uku mi'o ka'e viska}.</div>
<div>&nbsp;</div>
<div>*{.i roda snura si mulno snura}</div>
<div>I think he's&nbsp;not correcting himself, but confirming</div>
<div>what he has said:</div>
<div>{.i roda snura .i prane snura}.</div>
<div>&nbsp;</div>
<div>*{doi .imos.}</div>
<div>{.i} is needed: he begins a new phrase.</div>
<div>Though here&nbsp;I would say</div>
<div>{.i be'e .imos.}</div>
<div>&quot;Emo,&nbsp;may I&nbsp;go on&nbsp;talking to You?&quot;</div>
<div>&nbsp;</div>
<div>&nbsp;</div>
<div>On Scene 2: Switchboard Trap.</div>
<div>&nbsp;</div>
<div>*{na go'i xu do go'i}</div>
<div>Two separate phrases:</div>
<div>{na go'i .i xu do go'i}.</div>
<div>&nbsp;</div>
<div>*{.i ko .e mi klama}</div>
<div>Then Emo nods and walks away to the opposite</div>
<div>direction.</div>
<div>{.i ko jo'u mi klama}</div>
<div>&quot;You!&nbsp;together with&nbsp;I go.&quot;</div>
<div>&nbsp;</div>
<div>*{ma se lidne}</div>
<div>I haven't seen the movie, but isn't this rather</div>
<div>{ca pu'o mo}?</div>
<div>&nbsp;</div>
<div>*{do ba viska .i do ba viska}</div>
<div>{do ba viska .i&nbsp;do ja'a go'i}.</div>
<div>&nbsp;</div>
<div>Shall I&nbsp;do the changes?</div>
<div>&nbsp;</div>
<div>mi'e darves</div>
           
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