From lojban+bncCICntNPQBRDAs7bkBBoEhvWQEw@googlegroups.com Sun Sep 12 20:26:15 2010 Received: from mail-gy0-f189.google.com ([209.85.160.189]) by chain.digitalkingdom.org with esmtp (Exim 4.72) (envelope-from ) id 1OuzgI-0004LI-Kn; Sun, 12 Sep 2010 20:26:15 -0700 Received: by gya1 with SMTP id 1sf3688420gya.16 for ; Sun, 12 Sep 2010 20:26:01 -0700 (PDT) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=googlegroups.com; s=beta; h=domainkey-signature:received:x-beenthere:received:mime-version :received:received:date:in-reply-to:x-ip:references:user-agent :x-http-useragent:message-id:subject:from:to:x-original-sender :reply-to:precedence:mailing-list:list-id:list-post:list-help :list-archive:sender:list-subscribe:list-unsubscribe:content-type; bh=vzAqbllkcWTSTKmZPHOhguJGxpOEGCa6PanMkDvorHk=; b=sd0d8WvVqy5GoUY687gJFhHdGRzp66/UlFoMcCBZqP5PbkvyAdPk5m6n6vuDKMcsul Ec3T86y9W/uvcF8v27tiB0QrpfrOe3rUHIgz0yMwwx8PzYGc/fSDconGN6RI18rb8jna Ee6xEqKFusVHsOF64/opzoqlOIL6B0TG5X2ec= DomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=googlegroups.com; s=beta; h=x-beenthere:mime-version:date:in-reply-to:x-ip:references :user-agent:x-http-useragent:message-id:subject:from:to :x-original-sender:reply-to:precedence:mailing-list:list-id :list-post:list-help:list-archive:sender:list-subscribe :list-unsubscribe:content-type; b=2hqrGSarIe0E34zwHbzl0P7k7t0oYUUAWPHBI5xcQOzJrXomDGUA78WfYR697zamX3 /YGpZuMnLUODxrd9TxV+4hBnpO1iYLcQoVPNxh3CSUv4Rcxv5/uXBwNevH7BK8AJqrbs bImum4D++l9tJ8rN0oxOWGYtqaE2u/Qjc53og= Received: by 10.90.86.1 with SMTP id j1mr334478agb.48.1284348352043; Sun, 12 Sep 2010 20:25:52 -0700 (PDT) X-BeenThere: lojban@googlegroups.com Received: by 10.91.215.10 with SMTP id s10ls771803agq.5.p; Sun, 12 Sep 2010 20:25:51 -0700 (PDT) MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.91.63.14 with SMTP id q14mr355756agk.26.1284348350806; Sun, 12 Sep 2010 20:25:50 -0700 (PDT) Received: by s24g2000pri.googlegroups.com with HTTP; Sun, 12 Sep 2010 20:25:50 -0700 (PDT) Date: Sun, 12 Sep 2010 20:25:50 -0700 (PDT) In-Reply-To: X-IP: 166.191.199.15 References: User-Agent: G2/1.0 X-HTTP-UserAgent: Mozilla/5.0 (X11; U; Linux i686; en-GB; rv:1.9.2.9) Gecko/20100825 Ubuntu/10.04 (lucid) Firefox/3.6.9,gzip(gfe) Message-ID: <5f86644c-3420-42ad-81c8-fb0b6ad079b3@s24g2000pri.googlegroups.com> Subject: [lojban] Re: le virnu smani blozeile'a From: Lindar To: lojban X-Original-Sender: lindarthebard@yahoo.com Reply-To: lojban@googlegroups.com Precedence: list Mailing-list: list lojban@googlegroups.com; contact lojban+owners@googlegroups.com List-ID: List-Post: , List-Help: , List-Archive: Sender: lojban@googlegroups.com List-Subscribe: , List-Unsubscribe: , Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 1. Dotside on {.modix.} missed almost consistently throughout the book. Also, cmavo x1 is a quote, not a name. Modix isn't a name, Modix is a person. zo .modix. is a name. 2. Would change *{gi'e cuxna lo cnino blozeile'a lanci betu'i le stakumfa} to *{gi'e cuxna lo cnino blozeile'a lanci kei mu'i lo nu jadni le stakumfa}. 3. *{rainelci} is two words. You need to have a consonant cluster within the first five letters or it breaks apart. {rairnelci} is probably what you want. 4. Slightly confused... this isn't the pirate's mother, it's just a motherly person who owns this child? (( {le mamta po le blozeile'a beme'e la .modix.} )) 5. lo se cipra ku se ckaji gi'enai fatci 6. lo se merli ku klani gi'e nai ckaji 7. darxi le my. cidni should be darxi le be my. cidni or darxi le cidni be my. cos it's actually his knee. 8. .i le mikce cu ciksi le du'u ti'u le bavlamdei la .modix. cu rere'u klama beki'u le jinku befi lo skorbuti .e zo'e I don't think ti'u is what you should use there. Should be {ca lo bavlamdei}. You also don't need that {be} there for {ki'u} cos it's already attaching to the main sumti. However, ki'u requires an abstractor (it's a modal of krinu, so look at the definition of krinu to make sure you're using it correctly). 9. Again, patfu po la .modix. ? So the mother and father own the child, rather than... mothering and fathering it... or...? A. Probably {xrukla le zdani}, returns home. B. le nu klama be <----- don't need that there. Inside absractions it's a brand new bridi. (I see this multiple times in the story) 10. le my. patfu... still confusing me... 11. .i ganai do mutce virnu le nu klama be le mikce gi do ba terdunda lo biskruji - No {be} needed right there. 12. gi'e rivbi lo cicfe'u cizda'u noi dukse *be* le selterpa *bei* lenu le ta lisri cu skicu - Didn't need BE in there either. se rivbi is an abstraction. Also, a wildangry crazyanimal is a strange construct, and would probably confuse the target audience (children/ new learners?)... maybe make it a higher scoring lujvo, or just use tanru? Either way, I don't think one of those could be excessive in frightening things. Perhaps frightening-ness, though. I think you need {ka} in there. The last part I don't even understand (le ta lisri cu skicu). In fact, I don't think that's grammatical, cos you already have a selbri (rivbi), so... this whole thing needs to be redone as none of it really makes sense. 13. The ice fort should be noi cpana lo cmana. tu'i is for marking letters. 14. He should actually say {ti noi rokci} as he's the one holding it. 15. ca'o le je'erse'a ku doesn't actually make sense. During the needle? The whole section here I can't actually read. This also happens a lot in the story. A needle is not an event, and when you tcita a time tense, it needs to be an event/date. 16. narcladu, not smaji? 17. It's not during the needle being ready, it's while the needle is being readied. Perhaps rephrase that part? It's a bit confusing. 18. Should be {le kalgai be la .modix.}. 19. {ganlu} isn't a word. 1A. Aside from a few grammatical fumbles, your writing is very clear and readable. This is really good reading material for children and beginning learners. I had fun reading through the first book you translated. 1B. Seriously, keep up the work. It's awesome, and your initiative is what motivates me to help out. 20. Once you get the hang of this and translate a few more, you should write your own. We have a few artists (including a blossoming myself) that could do the illustrations. All in all, great job. Keep up the good work. Would constructively criticise again. A++ -- You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "lojban" group. To post to this group, send email to lojban@googlegroups.com. 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