From lojban+bncCJ2UzZHuDRCyu5nkBBoEst514g@googlegroups.com Tue Sep 07 08:44:45 2010 Received: from mail-ww0-f61.google.com ([74.125.82.61]) by chain.digitalkingdom.org with esmtp (Exim 4.72) (envelope-from ) id 1Ot0Lg-000112-63; Tue, 07 Sep 2010 08:44:45 -0700 Received: by wwf26 with SMTP id 26sf1368305wwf.16 for ; Tue, 07 Sep 2010 08:44:33 -0700 (PDT) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=googlegroups.com; s=beta; h=domainkey-signature:received:x-beenthere:received:received:received :received:received-spf:received:mime-version:received:received :in-reply-to:references:date:message-id:subject:from:to :x-original-sender:x-original-authentication-results:reply-to :precedence:mailing-list:list-id:list-post:list-help:list-archive :sender:list-subscribe:list-unsubscribe:content-type :content-transfer-encoding; bh=ngTEz57CcrpI49Tp4AoafJjbw2Dkewz2UtcarERhKuQ=; b=gOChbNt/zs98OV5FBcN4ceIxxWrD5lODalapPdfCwyK/FCTdYQUMgwULRqrx374Gof EF+f/NSC0kFBRgim3jQ8Y+F+OQ/htRN3pFGoFfm+gRWh30XRxlS0pSS8pOSH1cB/+TSu IVbcjFpMX2ReUZ1KeY08xWW9BIwFH3sd0nV0s= DomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=googlegroups.com; s=beta; h=x-beenthere:received-spf:mime-version:in-reply-to:references:date :message-id:subject:from:to:x-original-sender :x-original-authentication-results:reply-to:precedence:mailing-list :list-id:list-post:list-help:list-archive:sender:list-subscribe :list-unsubscribe:content-type:content-transfer-encoding; b=XxAY1a1AvlfxHur5yaOcDjnTCUKBqvHCH1fh1aLdHGxFP/hkypChBZDb57+8er54xG o6idlubLiaV9HGGKxBJ1kMbIDl5R7nVz7Se1aaxK0Q/PVMx7PSct8NBtyfz2X+gnvLXN 2H+TcwuG63FhS5XcBCbkwKa7ljNHet2SIVG1g= Received: by 10.216.144.67 with SMTP id m45mr840388wej.2.1283874226459; Tue, 07 Sep 2010 08:43:46 -0700 (PDT) X-BeenThere: lojban@googlegroups.com Received: by 10.227.82.133 with SMTP id b5ls1666907wbl.3.p; Tue, 07 Sep 2010 08:43:44 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.227.136.6 with SMTP id p6mr285497wbt.20.1283874224159; Tue, 07 Sep 2010 08:43:44 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.227.136.6 with SMTP id p6mr285496wbt.20.1283874224124; Tue, 07 Sep 2010 08:43:44 -0700 (PDT) Received: from mail-wy0-f170.google.com (mail-wy0-f170.google.com [74.125.82.170]) by gmr-mx.google.com with ESMTP id x33si2423580wbs.1.2010.09.07.08.43.43; Tue, 07 Sep 2010 08:43:43 -0700 (PDT) Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of jjllambias@gmail.com designates 74.125.82.170 as permitted sender) client-ip=74.125.82.170; Received: by mail-wy0-f170.google.com with SMTP id 19so7215491wyf.15 for ; Tue, 07 Sep 2010 08:43:43 -0700 (PDT) MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.227.68.149 with SMTP id v21mr91563wbi.138.1283874222774; Tue, 07 Sep 2010 08:43:42 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.227.151.203 with HTTP; Tue, 7 Sep 2010 08:43:42 -0700 (PDT) In-Reply-To: References: Date: Tue, 7 Sep 2010 12:43:42 -0300 Message-ID: Subject: Re: [lojban] lo jbove'a cukta From: =?ISO-8859-1?Q?Jorge_Llamb=EDas?= To: lojban@googlegroups.com X-Original-Sender: jjllambias@gmail.com X-Original-Authentication-Results: gmr-mx.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of jjllambias@gmail.com designates 74.125.82.170 as permitted sender) smtp.mail=jjllambias@gmail.com; dkim=pass (test mode) header.i=@gmail.com Reply-To: lojban@googlegroups.com Precedence: list Mailing-list: list lojban@googlegroups.com; contact lojban+owners@googlegroups.com List-ID: List-Post: , List-Help: , List-Archive: Sender: lojban@googlegroups.com List-Subscribe: , List-Unsubscribe: , Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable On Mon, Sep 6, 2010 at 6:35 PM, remod wrote: > > I've tried to translate one of the children books for which I provided > links a couple of days ago. .i'e > To date it's the biggest effort I've made to write something in > lojban. I would really appreciate if anyone could point out the many > errors I've certainly made. > > Original file: http://www.arvindguptatoys.com/arvindgupta/pratham-mooncap= .pdf > translation: http://www.dentato.com/pratham-mooncap-jbo-review.pdf The only outright error I found is in this sentence, which needs a "cu" (or "ku" if you prefer): ".i ca ki le bavla=B4i djedi ba'o lo nu mi fi le ckule CU klama kei le mamta cu dunda lo carmi xunre mapku ku mi" The rest of my comments are more a matter of opinion, so make of them what you will: 1- I would use "jo'u" instead of ".e" for the title. Logical connectives connect two bridi (in the case of sumti connectives, one same bridi that applies to each of the sumti). With ".e" you would be saying that some unspecified bridi is true of the moon and also true of the cap. 2- "lo tersalci be me'e zo dasaras". I would prefer "lo tersalci po'u la dasaras", but maybe it's just me. 3- You sprinkle your text with elidable "ku"s. All of them can be elided. I'm not sure what the point is of eliding some but not all. If for pedagogical reasons it's necessary to have them, then it would seem to be reasonable to use them consistently and not here and there, but that's just my opinion. I just find them distracting. 4- "le mapku cu vofli vu mi": I think you want "to'o mi". Even if you use "vu" to tag the origin rather than the magnitude, that says where the cap is when flying, not in which direction it is flying. 5- "lo jimca pe le tolci'o cesyfigre": I think "be" is better than "pe" her= e. 6- "ly catlu le mi mapku ga'u le tolci'o cesyfigre": "ga'u" here says where the looking takes place, not where the cap is. I suggest something like: "le mi mapku noi cpana le tolci'o cesyfigre" 7- "ba'o lo nu mi fi le ckule CU klama": I would prefer "ca lo nu mi fi le ckule ba'o klama", but your use of "ba'o", while inconsistent with how other tags are used, is officially approved. mu'o mi'e xorxes --=20 You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "= lojban" group. To post to this group, send email to lojban@googlegroups.com. To unsubscribe from this group, send email to lojban+unsubscribe@googlegrou= ps.com. For more options, visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/lojban= ?hl=3Den.