Received: from [192.3.209.234] (port=37446 helo=fullshotshd.com) by stodi.digitalkingdom.org with esmtp (Exim 4.87) (envelope-from ) id 1c8rEy-00042R-2y for lojban@lojban.org; Mon, 21 Nov 2016 08:14:49 -0800 Date: Mon, 21 Nov 2016 09:35:12 -0700 To: From: "Loren Martin" Content-Type: text/html; charset=us-ascii Mime-Version: 1 Subject: Top product ever seen - Shark-Tank ep.8952387 Message-ID: <61c2c7e55fbfda4353ca10c7b6e541eeed048952387w_828661416lojban@lojban.org.4> Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Spam-Score: -0.4 (/) X-Spam_score: -0.4 X-Spam_score_int: -3 X-Spam_bar: / shark products available
 
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In the hall they are introduced to the viands, all thought to partakeof;which have arrived too late, and are now displayed in theirprimitive statea picture of still life; whilst the guestsa pictureof disappointmenthave to put up with odds and ends, concocted to meetthe emergency, ending with a series of plumdumplings, in place of thelegitimate large pudding. However, the indigent relatives, who preferthe cold corners, and take any part, declare themselves wellsatisfied:all partaking of everything, and brandy afterwards, as ifthe viands were rich. Master Brown does justice to everything, ofcoursethat sweet child is now pulling the merry thought with hismaiden aunt; he is victor, and, as no one wishes to know his thoughts, seems determined to tell them, wishing Jemy. And Mr. Latimer wouldlook sharp, and knock up the match Mamma spoke of; as then he should bebreeched, have pockets, and money: here the little dear turned to theCaptain, saying, Youll give me a crown, wont you?a question atwhich the maiden aunt blushed intensely, as did Mrs. Brown, whoattempted to hide her emotion by saying, What strange things do think ofat the same time helping a gentleman who had hadenoughthe bashful gentleman, who sat at the junction of the tables, and appeared so incommoded by the tableland of one being higher thanthe tableland of the othercausing his plate to oscillate in a veryremarkable manner, and discharge its contents in his lap, the conjoinedlegs compelling him either to sit at a fearful distance, and spill thegravy, or to split his kerseymeres, by extending them too much for theirfrail make:however, he has at last succeeded in thrusting one kneebetween them, and the shorter leg of the two off Bunyans PilgrimsProgressused to stilt it;letting the unfortunate gentlemanspudding down, and his plate travel, until at last it stops, performing agyration, all to itself, under the sideboard.
During this clatter, the ladies rise and depart, leaving the gentlemento drown all disappointments in the wine. Mr. Brown, feeling calledupon, rises, apologizing for certain misfortunes, herein describedatthe same time trusting that such events might never happen again; and, in the end, eulogizing Mrs. B. , who is painted in glowing colours, by apainter who said he should not have painted it; or, as any one elsemight have observed, introduced two virtuously amiable daughters, soprominently in the foreground. After a noble reply by Captain de Camp, of the Hon. East India Companys service, from Madras, and much applausefrom the diners, they ascend, to join the ladies; forming, round thedrawingroomfire, a vast amphitheatre, in the centre of which, gladiatorial contend for nuts and orangesCaptain de Campfilling the post of honour, making himself at home in Mr. Browns easychair and slippers. Mr. Wellesley drags in the yulelog, much to thedetriment of the Brussels, and the annoyance of the guests; for, uponplacing it in the grate, it causes everything to be covered with blacktadpoles, nearly extinguishing the fireuntil it ignites, roasting thecompany, and making the pot a whiteheat. The Captain has repeated last evenings brew, upon a larger scale, in the little bason, or wassailbowl. Master Wellesley has kissedAngelina under the misletoe, suspended from the chandelier, and placedin the centre of the amphitheatre, for that purpose. Mr. Latimer hastaken the opportunity, as Jemima turned up a refractory burner; andeverybody kissed everybody else they liked, or could catch there. Theentertaining Captain has narrated an effective anecdote of an enragedelephant, and a precious big boar speared in a savage jungleto whichhe might have added, with no more personal risk than Mrs. Brown mayexperience when hunting for a boa in her wardrobe. And, Mr. Mouldy, thecity merchant, who dealt in rags, sang about a little excitable pig, andMac Mullins Lament; whilst Mr. Snobbinswho it was hoped would sitand be silent, has broken the spell, dared to remember old times, sleeping under a counter, and the pugnacity of Brown, when they were ina mess at the bluesmaking Captain de Camp think more of a militaryrepast than Christs Hospital;until the blues were dispelled byMr. Snobbins singing The gallant prentice boy:not that the companywould have lacked a military man, had the Captain been absent, for therewas Cowed, the meek Bermondsey tanner, by livery a hatter, and withal asoldiera member of the Hon. Artillery Company, he who sang about Godblessing the old cows hide, and a Mr. Brown has jotted the events, in his Diary, in a hand scarcelylegible. It must have been penned in a somnambulistic fitthinking hewas at a meeting of St. Stiffs vestry, in the union boardroom, for, after a list of members present (the names of his guests), Captain deCamp in the chair, follow these minutes of proceedings:Firstly, thatone Spohf be dismissed as organist of St. Stiffs, confined in theidiotward, fed on water gruel, and handed over to his own parish(Vienna); proposed by Latimer, and seconded by Wellesley de Camp. Thesecond proposition appears to be to the effect that a vagrant namedBrick, dealer in hearthstones, be confined in the refractoryward, andfed upon bread and water.