Received: from static-ip-69-64-58-124.inaddr.ip-pool.com ([69.64.58.124]:36454 helo=tosafetynow.com) by stodi.digitalkingdom.org with esmtp (Exim 4.87) (envelope-from ) id 1cGuqe-0003pQ-RC for lojban@lojban.org; Tue, 13 Dec 2016 13:43:03 -0800 Date: Tue, 13 Dec 2016 15:05:55 -0700 Content-Type: text/html; charset=us-ascii From: "Alex Wells" Mime-Version: 1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit Message-ID: Subject: All parents must get this: Save-your childrens life 15862782 To: X-Spam-Score: -1.2 (-) X-Spam_score: -1.2 X-Spam_score_int: -11 X-Spam_bar: - most safetly item

Concerned Parent Guide

December 13th, 2016 - Tuesday



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Every Parent Must See This

You used Neverleak, Shelley said, eyeing my craftsmanship with a skeptical frown. The sales on StayTite. Shelley was the store manager, and her slumped shoulders and dour expression were as much a part of her uniform as the blue polo shirts we all had to wear. I thought you said Neverleak, I said, because she had. StayTite, she insisted, shaking her head regretfully, as if my tower were a crippled racehorse and she the bearer of the pearlhandled pistol. There was a brief but awkward silence in which she continued to shake her head and shift her eyes from me to the tower and back to me again. I stared blankly at her, as if completely failing to grasp what she was passiveaggressively implying. Ohhhhhh, I said finally. You mean you want me to do it over Its just that you used Neverleak, she repeated. No problem. Ill get started right away. With the toe of my regulation black sneaker I nudged a single box from the towers foundation. In an instant the whole magnificent structure was cascading down around us, sending a tidal wave of diapers crashing across the floor, boxes caroming off the legs of startled customers, skidding as far as the automatic door, which slid open, letting in a rush of August heat. Shelleys face turned the color of ripe pomegranate. She shouldve fired me on the spot, but I knew Id never be so lucky. Id been trying to get fired from Smart Aid all summer, and it had proved next to impossible. I came in late, repeatedly and with the flimsiest of excuses; made shockingly incorrect change; even misshelved things on purpose, stocking lotions among laxatives and birth control with baby shampoo. Rarely had I worked so hard at anything, and yet no matter how incompetent I pretended to be, Shelley stubbornly kept me on the payroll. Let me qualify my previous statement: It was next to impossible for me to get fired from Smart Aid. Any other employee wouldve been out the door a dozen minor infractions ago. It was my first lesson in politics. There are three Smart Aids in Englewood, the small, somnolent beach town where I live. There are twentyseven in Sarasota County, and one hundred and fifteen in all of Florida, spreading across the state like some untreatable rash. The reason I couldnt be fired was that my uncles owned every single one of them. The reason I couldnt quit was that working at Smart Aid as your first job had long been a hallowed family tradition. All my campaign of selfsabotage had earned me was an unwinnable feud with Shelley and the deep and abiding resentment of my coworkerswho, lets face it, were going to resent me anyway, because no matter how many displays I knocked over or customers I shortchanged, one day I was going to inherit a sizable chunk of the company, and they were not.



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