i think i lost my patient

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1 a snow day. Michael wouldnt be home from Washington until the last shuttle. Having come up with the ter image, Zee decided to treat this unanticipated block of freedom as a snow day. Never mind that it was ninetysix degrees outside. The evening stretched ahead of her. She could do anything she wanted with it. Zee couldnt remember the last time shed had an open evening. Between her work schedule and the wedding plans, thered been little time for anything else lately. She hadnt even seen her father in the last few months, and she felt guilty about it, though she knew he understood. The wedding date was not until the late fall, but it seemed as if there was at least one major wedding item a day on her todo list. Zee hated the process.

Tonight they were supposed to be sampling sushi at O Ya, and three kinds of sake. Not a bad evening, all things considered. But Michael wasnt going to make it back in time, and she couldnt deal with the wedding planner alone. The problem wasnt the planner, who was arguably the best in Boston. The problem was that Zee couldnt make a decision, couldnt make herself choose anything from the myriad of options the wedding planner offered. Her excuse had been a liewell, more of a twist, really. Lilly was her threeoclock, not her five, and whether she showed up or not would make little difference to tonights plans.

She altered her route, electing to take the coast road directly to Marblehead, ding along the golden crescent of beach that stretches from Lynn through Swampscott to the town line. At the last minute, she decided to take a shorter route through downtown Lynn, not counting on road construction. It was summer. Road crews were everywhere, the required extrashift cops sleepily directing traffic. Zee hadnt been on this road for a long time. Mostly the streets were as she remembered them. Roastbeef and pizza places lined every block. Popping up next to them were bodegas, nail salons, and the occasional package store. The businesses were essentially the same. But the ethnicity had changed. Small groceries sat next to each other, their signs in Spanish, Korean, Arabic, Russian. Lynn had always had a diverse population.

These days there were more than forty languages spoken in the Lynn schools. Zee forgot who had told her that. Probably it had been her Uncle Mickey. Her mothers people, including Uncle Mickey, were from Lynn, though they were originally Derry Irish. They had come over from Ireland to become factory workers at a company on Eastern Avenue that made shoe boxes. They were all IRA, or at least the two brothers had been, Uncle Mickey and his brother Liam, who died in an explosion in Ireland. Zee remembered her mother telling her that their emigration had been sudden. Maureens reluctance to say more about it left Zee dering about the details. It was out of character for Maureen to hold back any details when she was telling a story. Whatever it was that had happened, the family had no longer been safe in Ireland. Theyd had to leave the country overnight, taking only what they could carry. Maureen had told her all this in such a matteroffact tone that Zee had never quite believed the story. Make no mistake, her mother had said many times.

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We are, every one of us, capable of murder. Given the right circumstances, it is within each of us to take a life. Zee never knew whether by every one of us her mother had meant all of humanity or simply all of the Doherty clan. She had often thought about asking that question, but she never did. In the end she decided she really didnt want to know. Their house had been on Eastern Avenue, near the factory but farther down the street, closer to the beach. Zee doubted if she could find the place now. It was so long ago that her grandmother had died. Her mother died only a few years later, just after Zee turned thirteen. Besides Zee, Mickey was the only Doherty left. The factory where theyd once worked had long since closed. A sign on the front of the building read KINGS BEACH APARTMENTS.

It was directly across from Montes Restaurant, where she used to go for pizza with her father and Uncle Mickey in their pirate days. When her grandmother died, Uncle Mickey had moved to Salem. He wanted to be closer to his sister, he said. Mickey could pilot a boat with the best of skippers, but he had never learned to drive a car. Though it was only a town away, Lynn was too far from what was left of his family, he said. And he didnt like riding the bus. Though Maureen had killed herself just a few years after he made the move to Salem, Mickey stayed on. He had grown to love the Witch City. He was both a born entrepreneur and a natural salesman. He had a bit of the old cliched blarney in him as well.

When Salem reinvented itself, Mickey was right there to take advantage of the opportunity. He now ran a witch shop on Pickering Wharf, several haunted houses, and a pirate museum. He had done well. People in Salem fondly referred to Mickey Doherty as The Pirate King. Lynn, Lynn, City of Sin. Zee recited the old poem in her head. A sign on a Salvation Army building read CITY OF HIM. People were always trying to find a new image for Lynn. Zee liked it the way it was. It seemed to her a real place where real people led real lives. She could smell Lynn Beach from here, fetid and heavy. At the Swampscott town line, she noticed a little shop with a woman in the dow seated at a seg machine. Outside the store hung a sign, handlettered, with penmanship that slanted downward as it progressed: MALE/FEMALE ALTERATIONS. City of Sin.

There was a reason she felt so right here, Zee thought. As sins go, Zee had committed her share. She felt guilty about a lot of things, not the least of which was the question that Lilly had asked shortly before her death. Lillys question reminded Zee so much of Maureen that she hadnt shared it with Mattei. It was the thing that in retrospect should have tipped her off about Lilly, but instead it hit her in a much more personal way, as if someone had punched her in the stomach. The last time shed seen Lilly Braedon, Zee had been trying so hard to rationalize the risky behavior Lilly had been engaging in that she found herself unprepared for the question. Just as the session was ending and Lilly was walking out the door, she turned back to Zee and asked, Dont you believe at all in true love?