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The next morning I woke up early and checked my email first thing. had finally replied. Dear Ms. Lancaster, I fear your faith has been misplacedbut then, faith usually is. I cannot answer your questions, at least not in writing, because to write out such answers would constitute a sequel to An Imperial Affliction, which you might publish or otherwise share on the network that has replaced the brains of your generation. There is the telephone, but then you might record the conversation. Not that I dont trust you, of course, but I dont trust you. Alas, dear Hazel, I could never answer such questions except in person, and you are there, while I am here. That noted, I must confess that the unexpected receipt of your correspondence via Ms. Vliegenthart has delighted me: What a drous thing to know that I made something useful to youeven if that book seems so distant from me that I feel it was written by a different man altogether. (The author of that novel was so thin, so frail, so comparatively optimistic!) Should you find yourself in Amsterdam, however, please do pay a visit at your leisure. I am usually home. I would even allow you a peek at my grocery lists. Yours most sincerely, Peter Van Houten

c/o Lidewij Vliegenthart WHAT! I shouted aloud. WHAT IS THIS LIFE Mom ran in. Whats wrong Nothing, I assured her. Still nervous, Mom knelt down to check on Philip to ensure he was condensing oxygen appropriately. I imagined sitting at a sundrenched cafÃ© with Peter Van Houten as he leaned across the table on his elbows, speaking in a soft voice so no one else would hear the truth of what happened to the characters Id spent years thinking about. Hed said he couldnt tell me except in person, and then invited me to Amsterdam. I explained this to Mom, and then said, I have to go. Hazel, I love you, and you know Id do anything for you, but we dontwe dont have the money for international travel, and the expense of getting equipment over therelove, its just not Yeah, I said, cutting her off. I realized Id been silly even to consider it. Dont worry about it. But she looked worried. Its really important to you, yeah she asked, sitting down, a hand on my calf. It would be pretty amazing, I said, to be the only person who knows what happens besides him.

That would be amazing, she said. Ill talk to your father. No, dont, I said. Just, seriously, dont spend any money on it please. Ill think of something. It occurred to me that the reason my parents had no money was me. Id sapped the family savings with Phalanxifor copays, and Mom couldnt work because she had taken on the fulltime profession of Hovering Over Me. I didnt want to put them even further into debt. I told Mom I wanted to call Augustus to get her out of the room, because I couldnt handle her Icantmakemydaughtersdreamscometrue sad face. Augustus Watersâ€“style, I read him the letter in lieu of saying hello. Wow, he said. I know, right I said. How am I going to get to Amsterdam Do you have a Wish he asked, referring to this organization, The Genie Foundation, which is in the business of granting sick kids one wish. No, I said. I used my Wish preMiracle. Whatd you do I sighed loudly. I was thirteen, I said. Not Disney, he said. I said nothing. You did not go to Disney World. I said nothing. Hazel GRACE! he shouted. You did not use your one dying Wish to go to Disney World with your parents. Also Epcot Center, I mumbled. Oh, my God, Augustus said. I cant believe I have a crush on a with such clichÃ© wishes.

I was thirteen, I said again, although of course I was only thinking crush crush crush crush crush. I was flattered but changed the subject immediately. Shouldnt you be in school or something Im playing hooky to hang out with Isaac, but hes sleeping, so Im in the atrium doing geometry. Hows he doing I asked. I cant tell if hes just not ready to confront the seriousness of his disability or if he really does care more about getting dumped by Monica, but he t talk about anything else. Yeah, I said. How longs he gonna be in the hospital Few days. Then he goes to this rehab or something for a while, but he gets to sleep at home, I think. Sucks, I said. I see his mom. I gotta go. Okay, I said. Okay, he answered. I could hear his crooked smile. On Saturday, my parents and I went down to the farmers market in Broad Ripple. It was sunny, a rarity for Indiana in April, and everyone at the farmers market was wearing short sleeves even though the temperature didnt quite justify it. We Hoosiers are excessively optimistic about summer. Mom and I sat next to each other on a bench across from a goatsoap maker, a man in overalls who had to explain to every single person who walked by that yes, they were his goats, and no, goat soap does not smell like goats. My phone rang. Who is it Mom asked before I could even check.

I dont know, I said. It was Gus, though. Are you currently at your house he asked. Um, no, I said. That was a trick question. I knew the answer, because I am currently at your house. Oh. Um. Well, we are on our way, I guess Awesome. See you soon. Augustus Waters was sitting on the front step as we pulled into the driveway. He was holding a bouquet of bright orange tulips just beginning to bloom, and wearing an Indiana Pacers jersey under his fleece, a wardrobe choice that seemed utterly out of character, although it did look quite good on him. He pushed himself up off the stoop, handed me the tulips, and asked, Wanna go on a picnic I nodded, taking the flowers. My dad walked up behind me and shook Guss hand. Is that a Rik Smits jersey my dad asked. Indeed it is. God, I loved that guy, Dad said, and immediately they were engrossed in a basketball conversation I could not (and did not want to) join, so I took my tulips inside. Do you want me to put those in a vase Mom asked as I walked in, a huge smile on her face.

No, its okay, I told her. If wed put them in a vase in the living room, they would have been everyones flowers. I wanted them to be my flowers. I went to my room but didnt change. I brushed my hair and teeth and put on some lip gloss and the smallest possible dab of perfume. I kept looking at the flowers. They were aggressively orange, almost too orange to be pretty. I didnt have a vase or anything, so I took my toothbrush out of my toothbrush holder and filled it halfway with water and left the flowers there in the bathroom. When I reentered my room, I could hear people talking, so I sat on the edge of my bed for a while and listened through my hollow bedroom door: Dad: So you met Hazel at Support Group. Augustus: Yes, sir. This is a lovely house youve got. I like your artwork. Mom: Thank you, Augustus. Dad: Youre a survivor yourself, then Augustus: I am. I didnt cut this fella off for the sheer unadulterated pleasure of it, although it is an excellent weightloss strategy. Legs are heavy! Dad: And hows your health now Augustus: NEC for fourteen months. Mom: Thats derful. The treatment options these daysit really is remarkable. Augustus: I know. Im lucky. Dad: You have to understand that Hazel is still sick, Augustus, and will be for the rest of her life. Shell want to keep up with you, but her lungs At which point I emerged, silencing him. So where are you going asked Mom. Augustus stood up and leaned over to her, whispering the answer, and then held a finger to his lips. Shh, he told her. Its a secret. Mom smiled. Youve got your phone she asked me. I held it up as evidence, tilted my oxygen cart onto its front wheels, and started walking. Augustus hustled over, offering me his arm, which I took. My fingers wrapped around his biceps.

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