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Sender: Nicolette Martinez Subject: Atticuss shoes Atticus came home wearing Luigis shoe but his other shoe is also not his nor is it labelled I would appreciate the return of both of Atticuss shoes, both of which were clearly labelled 1235 pm Decided to join in group exchange to show solidarity and take mind off work Sender: Bridget Billymum Subject: Re: Atticuss shoes Just to clarify did Atticus and Luigi go home from swimming just wearing one shoe each? 1240 pm Hee hee, have triggered funny mass email response: jokes about ren coming home with no trousers, knickers, etc Sender: Bridget Billymum Subject: Billys ear Billy came home from football last night wearing only one ear Does anyone have Billys other ear? It was VERY clearly labelled and I would appreciate its prompt return 1245 pm Tee hee Sender: Nicolette Martinez Subject: Re: Billys ear Some parents appear to think that the s taking care of their own property and the parents clearly labelling it is a matter for amusement It is actually important for their development as selfreliant individuals Perhaps if it was their s shoes which were missing they would take a different view 1250 pm Oh no, oh no Have offended Class Mother and probably horrified everyone else as well Will send direct mass apology Sender: Bridget Billymum Subject:Atticuss shoes, Billys ears, etc Im sorry, Nicorette I was trying to write and bored and just joking Am very bad 1255 pm Gaaah Sender: Nicolette Martinez Subject: Bridget Jones Bridget Possibly the misspelling of my name was a Freudian slip I think we all know you struggle with the occasional smoking lapse If it was intentional it was hurtful and rude Perhaps we need to talk all this through with the head of Pastoral Care NicoLette Shit I called her Nicorette Look Dont dig yourself in further Just leave it now and concentrate 147 pm This is ridiculous Im just COMPLETELY blocked 148 pm All the class mothers hate me and Roxster has not replied 152 pm Slumped at kitchen table 153 pm Look No going over to the dark side Grazina the Cleaner will be here any second and she cant see me like this Will leave a note re insect plague and go to Starbucks 216 pm In Starbucks now with hamandcheese panini Right 316 pm Huge gaggles of posh mothers with prams have taken cafe over, talking really loudly about their husbands 317 pm Is so noisy in here Hate people who talk on their phones in cafes ooh, phone, maybe Roxster 330pm Was Jude, clearly in meeting, whispering furtively, Bridget Vile Richard has totally fallen for Isabella Whos Isabella? I whispered urgently back The we made up on PlentyofFish Vile Richards fixed to have a date with her tomorrow But she isnt real Exactly Shes me Hes arranged to meet me, I mean her, at the Shadow Lounge and shes going to stand him up Brilliant, I whispered, as Jude said bossily, So just put a stop order of two million yen at a hundred and twentyfive and wait for the quarterly profits Then whispered, And simultaneously, the guy I met on DatingSingleDoctors is meeting me the actual me two blocks away at the Soho Hotel Great I said, confusedly I know, right? Gottogobye Hope the man from DatingSingleDoctors doesnt turn out to be made up by Vile Richard 340 pm Roxster still has not texted Cannot concentrate Am going home 4 pm Got home to find terrifyingly pungent oldlady smell Grazina had diligently followed my scribbled instructions, thrown all the food away, cleaned and sprayed everything and put mothballs in and behind any conceivable entry or exit to all floorboards, walls, doors or items of furniture Will take me all weekend, and possibly rest of life, to find and destroy all mothballs No moth could live through this or, crucially, toy But that is, presumably, irrelevant, as STILL NO TEXT 415 pm Gaah There is bang, clatter and voices of everyone coming home Is Friday night, is time for Chloe to leave and have not prepared my Thoughts 416 pm How could Roxster not respond? Even though my last text was a question Or was it? Will just check my last text again Lurched in dismay There was not only a question, an ending of text with a question, but an undeniably presumptuous presumption that I would see Roxster again 6 pm Went downstairs, attempting to conceal meltdown from Billy and Mabel (who fortunately, as is weekend, were absorbed respectively in Plants vs Zombies and Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2) whilst simultaneously heating up spag bog (actually spag cheese without spag as Grazina has thrown away all the pasta) Finally, when supper was over, something about loading the dishwasher made me crack and send Roxster a fraudulently cheery text saying: Then went into paroxysms of agony, so bad that I had to let Billy just stay permanently killing plants with zombies, and Mabel watching Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2 for the seventh time so they wouldnt notice Realized was irresponsible and lazy parenting, but decided not as bad as emotional damage inflicted by awareness of meltingdown mother over someone closer in age to Gaaah Is Roxster actually closer in age to Mabel than me? No, but I think he might be to Billy Oh God What am I thinking? No wonder he has stopped texting 915 pm Still no text Able, at last, to freefall into well of misery, insecurity, emotionalpillowpulledfromunderfeet, etc The thing about going out with a younger man is that it makes you feel that you have miraculously turned back time Sometimes, when were on the chair in the bathroom, and I catch sight of us in the mirror, I just cant believe this is me, doing this with Roxster, at my age But now its gone away I have burst like a bubble Am I just using the whole thing to block existential despair about growing old, and the fear that maybe Im going to have a stroke, and what would happen to Billy and Mabel? It was worse when they were babies Had constant dread that I would spontaneously die in the night, or fall down the stairs, and no one would come, and they would be left alone, and end up eating me But then as Jude pointed out, Its better than dying alone and being eaten by an Alsatian 930 pm Must remember what it says in Zen and the Art of Falling in Love: when he comes, we welcome, when he goes, we let him go Also, when Zen students sit on the Cushion they make friends with Loneliness, which is different from Aloneness Loneliness is Transience and the way that people we love come into our lives and go away again which is just part of Life, or maybe that is Aloneness, and Loneliness is Still no text