Return-path: Envelope-to: lojban@lojban.org Delivery-date: Mon, 24 Jan 2022 13:27:21 -0800 Received: from mail.chantingslifer11.shop ([194.146.14.35]:46449) by 7051bea86fdb with esmtp (Exim 4.94.2) (envelope-from ) id 1nC6rq-002vEG-VU for lojban@lojban.org; Mon, 24 Jan 2022 13:27:20 -0800 DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha1; c=relaxed/relaxed; s=dkim; d=chantingslifer11.shop; h=Date:From:To:Subject:MIME-Version:Content-Type:List-Unsubscribe:Message-ID; i=tool.front@chantingslifer11.shop; bh=z48ALr/o7pLlk9xlLBZf93HpV9c=; b=RiU8Fs1Gg0jzBRh5i/mhg8Fxcma7BdtBId8k1oKnyPrfM99j5iUK7gYCpRUSJ0dBfwew74Z3gIAw MZJigWdET1rPF5B8JZUGR/wmVMrNPtUBibwrNkCMgdY3qve5fUsM0DIouDLNgaVFUDY9dIiZTS43 3AQIJ/TRhyyyoQO3bw8= DomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; q=dns; s=dkim; d=chantingslifer11.shop; b=XXo99zk/XxxfMX1npq14Wvqiu39PreHRnt3IfULVJrj3kuQSvSvKMZ8YgeCfQTbnoM2gPza+DYqR eirJC/2AFbHm4C1c50RIvoUj23O6yqFu1Gs8gq8HE/ssII6SYpucaptNc2OS/NLA8OpQxSrMqGxf k3p3s7tSl2ZYaI/5PXs=; Received: by mail.chantingslifer11.shop id htsdfg0001gj for ; Mon, 24 Jan 2022 16:28:00 -0500 (envelope-from ) Date: Mon, 24 Jan 2022 16:28:00 -0500 From: "Tool Front" To: Subject: This Is The Tool Every Homeowner Should Have! Measure ANY item with pinpoint accuracy MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="----=_Part_319_409331076.1643059138135" List-Unsubscribe: Message-ID: <0.0.0.26.1D81169431E20D4.C6C78F@mail.chantingslifer11.shop> X-Spam-Score: 3.5 (+++) X-Spam_score: 3.5 X-Spam_score_int: 35 X-Spam_bar: +++ X-Spam-Report: Spam detection software, running on the system "3288fb8c3a3c", has NOT identified this incoming email as spam. The original message has been attached to this so you can view it or label similar future email. If you have any questions, see @@CONTACT_ADDRESS@@ for details. Content preview: ** 2022 Blowout Holiday Sale! Save Up To 50% Off! Worlds First 3 In 1 Digital Laser Tape Measurer ** On the Measure King measuring tape, ToolFront is holding a large promotion with DISCOUNT BUNDLES AND NO SHIPPING. Content analysis details: (3.5 points, 5.0 required) pts rule name description ---- ---------------------- -------------------------------------------------- 3.5 BAYES_99 BODY: Bayes spam probability is 99 to 100% [score: 1.0000] 0.2 BAYES_999 BODY: Bayes spam probability is 99.9 to 100% [score: 1.0000] 0.0 URIBL_BLOCKED ADMINISTRATOR NOTICE: The query to URIBL was blocked. See http://wiki.apache.org/spamassassin/DnsBlocklists#dnsbl-block for more information. [URIs: chantingslifer11.shop] -0.0 SPF_PASS SPF: sender matches SPF record 0.0 SPF_HELO_NONE SPF: HELO does not publish an SPF Record 0.0 HTML_MESSAGE BODY: HTML included in message 0.0 HTML_FONT_LOW_CONTRAST BODY: HTML font color similar or identical to background 0.0 MIME_QP_LONG_LINE RAW: Quoted-printable line longer than 76 chars -0.1 DKIM_VALID_AU Message has a valid DKIM or DK signature from author's domain -0.1 DKIM_VALID_EF Message has a valid DKIM or DK signature from envelope-from domain 0.1 DKIM_SIGNED Message has a DKIM or DK signature, not necessarily valid -0.1 DKIM_VALID Message has at least one valid DKIM or DK signature 0.0 T_REMOTE_IMAGE Message contains an external image ------=_Part_319_409331076.1643059138135 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=utf-8 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit ** 2022 Blowout Holiday Sale! Save Up To 50% Off! Worlds First 3 In 1 Digital Laser Tape Measurer ** On the Measure King measuring tape, ToolFront is holding a large promotion with DISCOUNT BUNDLES AND NO SHIPPING. We understand that you require the appropriate tool for each situation. As a result, the Measure King measure tape is ideal for you. This gadget has a lot of cool capabilities, like laser measurement, roll mode, and a flex cable for measuring uneven and curved surfaces precisely. SHOP NOW 52% Off -> http://www.chantingslifer11.shop/outlined-bicycles/9725w23N95w86GM11N8Nb91Zd26y18HhscFDrfhscFDrEsvZ7LQP99KQ5n1w0R5bPsvq Crisson Wells Net Grid 30 Prescott Terrace, Quincy, MA 2169-6016 Visit here http://www.chantingslifer11.shop/contrives-tabernacle/31e4H2395kZ86K11K8b92zSd26X18qhscFDrfhscFDrEsvZ7HQP99KQ5Ox1H05vX3sv to end further messaging. ------=_Part_319_409331076.1643059138135 Content-Type: text/html; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20 =20
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3D"Logo
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3D"h= =20
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Introducting the World's Best Tape Measure.

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By ToolFront

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As a woodworker, you have to make sure that you have= the correct length. Precision is important. ToolFront has just th= e right thing for you when you need those pieces cut to the right length ev= ery time!

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The Tape Measure accurately records= the length of your wooden parts better than a traditional tape measure. Th= is one is laser-guided and gives the most precise reading without unravelin= g a physical tape!

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3-in-1 Functionality

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The ToolFront Tape Measure comes eq= uipped with three modes of measurement, making it perfect for any woodworki= ng job you may have.

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Whether you are measuring round table legs or cabine= t doors, this versatile new tape measure has got you covered!

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Roll

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Use the wheel for curved surfaces.

Wrap<= /p> 3D"second

Me= asure around pieces with the flex cord.

Laser

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For hard to reach areas and large distances.

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Easy to read display.

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This tape measure also has a large LED display and c= an be switched between standard and metric units. Get those DIY projects do= ne quickly and right with the ToolFront Tape Measure!

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Beldin & Polenberg Onyx-Net
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983 S Indian Meridian
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Choctaw OK 73020 7019
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To adjust email preferences, please click here. =20
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I am trying.

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Trying to remember something anything.=

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I can't even remember the simplest thi= ng of all.

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The date. I feel so tired. I feel so u= seless. I feel nothing.

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My parents aren't back from their trip= because they are stuck in Ireland due to coronavirus. So I am stuck all by= myself doing nothing. I have to cook and clean but that doesnt make me hap= py. I just can't be happy. I cant have friends over, and my charger doesn't= work so I cant charge my phone or get a new one because all the stores are= shut down. I have to stay here lonely. That damn date I think to myself. E= very day is like the last one. There is nothing to do except binge watch ba= d reality tv on demand or watch reruns of I love Lucy. I just can't do it a= nymore. I am so tired of this. I just feel depressed. I almost wanna die be= cause my life will never get better. I can't even remember the day so I don= 't know if I even have school today. MY COMPUTER. I can find out the date o= n there I totally forgot. I race to my room and open it up. I sign in and c= lick at the bottom where the time is. " Monday," I say to myself.= Crap I have to sign on I think as I look at the time it's already 8:07. I = sign on to my first class, science, and start zoning out. My regular routin= e now. I have no one to talk to. Next year I will be a senior and graduate = but I wonder will it all just be the same.

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I start to cry, I cry because I know i= t probably will. Nothing will change. We are still in the purple not even c= lose to the red. There is no chance of me going back to school ever. The te= acher starts talking about putting our cameras on but I don't care anymore.= I hate my teachers I hate them because they don't understand. The adults t= hink it is only affecting them but it's affecting us kids to. When the pand= emic hit my grades started to slip and my mom got super mad at me but she d= oesn't understand. It's hard, its soooo hard. I try to pay attention but my= teachers are dumb and they are all bad with technology because they are al= l super old. They think that it is all about them to say how hard it is and= all that but they never take a chance to ask if we are ok. Then they wonde= r why we leave their class early or don't respond or turn our cameras on. I= ts because we don't wanna be here or in their class. So I am mad I am not j= ust mad at my teachers but at the world too because they just don't care pe= ople are still going to parties and doing everything that the government is= saying not to do. Even the government isn't taking their own advice. Gover= nor Newsom was at a dinner and not wearing mask with his friends and yet he= is trying too enforce us to be socially distanced and not go out yet he ca= n't even take his own advice. It's not fair to a lot of people. I know I wa= nt to go to school but I can't because everyone else cant follow the damn r= ules.

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I am so over school, so I leave. I don= 't show up to any of my other classes either because I just can't handle th= is anymore. I just want something to change I want something to be normal a= gain. Nothing will ever be normal again. I have to go outside and see the w= orld i haven't been outside in months so maybe it will be different outside= I race out of my front door and wince as the cold air hits my face. And t= hat was the last straw. I wanna puke. I feel no different. Actually I feel = worse because just because I am outside doesn't mean anything. Nothing will= change just because I want it to. I am done being patient. I am done waiti= ng. I am done with life. I am so done. I hate this, I hate feeling this emp= tiness. I am living in a nightmare. I am living in a nightmare that will ne= ver end. I know it will never end because it hasn't ended for a year. Why c= ant it just be over. I want it all to be over. I want it to end. I want to = end this pain. No one will care. No one does care. I just don't know why it= has to be like this. I don't want it to be like this. I am over it. I am o= ver this life and this world. Everyone is stupid. This is so stupid. I wond= er if I am stupid for thinking this. Am I. I might be but I can feel the wa= y I feel. I want it to be over. I want it to stop lingering on. Because thi= s is my never ending nightmare. But I found a way to end it. I am going to = end it. I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to feel like this. I ha= te it. I want it to stop. I need it to stop. I cant handle it anymore. I do= n't want to have to handle it. I don't want to keep it bottled up inside. I= am done. I am done with it all. I want it to be over. I want this nightmar= e to be over. I want to scream, I want to run, I want to cry. I don't know = what to feel anymore.

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I hear a car turning the corner. I wal= k into the middle of the street.

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I hate myself.

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I hate my life.

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I hate this world.

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So goodbye self.

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Goodbye mom.

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Goodbye dad.

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Goodbye world.

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Monday, day 1:

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I woke up at noon. It's been a month s= ince high school ended. And three weeks since I got rejected by my two drea= m schools. I had no back up, nothing else lined up. I was depending on this= to work out, I had high hopes that everything would fall into place, and t= wo months from now I'd be on campus. But now, I don't even know what I'll b= e doing in two months.

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Hopefully, a job.

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Wednesday, day 9:

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I applied for multiple jobs, and only = got a call back for one. Good old, reliable McDonald's. Everyone gets their= first job there, and free food! It's a bonus! And a good distraction until= I am able to apply for other schools.

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It's not ideal, I'm still bummed I'm n= ot going to attend my dream schools, but hey, it is what it is.

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At least I have this job to fall back = on. It'll be a nice way to make some extra money.

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Friday, day 11:

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Well, I didn't get hired. How did I no= t get hired? EVERYONE gets hired!

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It was another day sleeping until noon= Mum says I need to stop that, but I'm just so tired lately.

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Tuesday, day 17:

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I watched my best friend, Tom, leave e= arly for Yale. He got in right away, I knew he would. He was smart. He'd of= ten tutor me whenever I needed the extra help - I wasn't dumb at all, but h= istory wasn't my best subject. There's just too much to remember.=20

I was happy that he was going off to l= ive his dream. I waved him off with a big smile.

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But...it felt fake. I felt an anger to= wards him for leaving, while I was stuck here, doing nothing with my life. = I wanted to punch something, yell at the top of my lungs. Why did he get in= and I didn't? Why is my future on pause while he gets to go out and live?<= /span>

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It's just not fair.

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Friday, day 26:

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I applied for a bunch of other schools= I just have to get into one. Just ONE.

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I don't know what to do if I don't get= in...

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Sunday, day 32:

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Half the schools got back to me, I did= n't get in. I....didn't....get....in. How could this happen? Each time I op= ened the rejection letter, I could feel tears swelling up in my eyes. I wan= ted to cry harder than I've ever cried before. But nothing would come out.<= /span>

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I stayed in bed for the rest of the da= y. I didn't feel like doing anything, I just wanted to sleep. My mum didn't= like that, and tried to get me out of bed, but couldn't. I was a stubborn = guy.

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Cross your fingers for the other half = going well. I NEED it to go well...

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Tuesday, day 40:

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It's official, no school wants me. Wha= t's wrong with me that I can't get into ANY school? My grades were decent, = I didn't get into much trouble throughout high school. Sure, I could have d= one some more extra curricular activities, but I didn't think that would ma= tter much. It SHOULDN'T matter much.

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Since finding out, I've been feeling s= omething I've never felt before. I don't know what it is. Sadness? Anger? N= o. I feel....empty. Useless. Just a speck of dust on this planet. Unimporta= nt, and always gonna be unimportant. If a school didn't want me, why would = anyone else?

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Thursday, day 42:

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Tom messaged me. Sent me tons of photo= s of his campus, his dorm room, even told me about his roommate. They get a= long. They seem to be becoming fast friends, and probably soon...best frien= ds.

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Tom was my best friend since we were i= n diapers. Why did I think it would be a forever friendship? Of course he'd= find someone new when he left for college. Someone smarter, someone better=

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I hated his roommate. I hated his room= mate more than anyone. And I hated Tom.

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How could he show off all his luck, ru= b it in my face, while I was stuck back home with nothing.

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I can't handle it anymore.

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I'm going crazy.

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Saturday, day 62:

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Mum forced me to go out with her and d= ad. She took me to my favourite fast food place (NOT McDonald's, those assh= oles). I think they knew how upset I was by this. Being rejected over and o= ver and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over= and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over an= d over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over hurt.= It stung so bad, made me doubt everything about myself.

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I hate myself.

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I hate that I can't do anything right.=

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I hate that I'm not smart enough.

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I hate that my parents think a quick m= eal is going to fix everything.

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I hate how clueless they are.=20

I hate college.

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I hate rejection letters.

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I hate Tom.

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And his roommate.

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I hate...life.

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Monday? Day 79? 80?

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My bed has become my comfort. I don't = leave it, ever. This is where they're gonna find my decomposing body. I sle= ep most of the day, awake most of the night. I'm always tired.

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But what's the point in caring anymore= ?

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I don't care.

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Friday?, Day 103?

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I've lost track of time. Every day see= ms to blend together. I used to be able to tell the days by the sounds of m= y parents downstairs. If I heard them making coffee and having a quick chat= before it became quiet, I knew it was a work day. Monday to Friday. But if= I heard the television and laughter, it was the weekend.

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They have a set routine that I easily = became familiar with.

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Or...WAS familiar with.

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Now, I barely pay attention to what so= unds are coming from where. I no longer care to hear the television, or the= sound of the coffee maker. My mothers laugh once brought me joy and warmth= , but now...it's annoying and shrill.

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I can't stand how happy they are.

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Happy without me.

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Maybe they'd be better off without me?=

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Wednesday? Day 128?

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Waking up is hard. Mum told me I neede= d to start a routine, to get my life back in order.

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I told her to fuck off.

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It was the most interaction I've had i= n a while. They stopped coming in, and I stopped going out. I didn't need t= o see them. They didn't need to see me.

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Monday? Day 141?

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Wednesday used to be my favourite day = of the week. It's when my favourite TV show would come on. It's on tonight,= but I haven't seen it in so long, it just doesn't interest me anymore.

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I wish it did.

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I really do.

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I miss laughing at the wacky character= s, oogling the pretty girl in the short skirt. Relating to the main charact= er. I miss it all, but I just don't have the energy to care anymore.=

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Saturday? Day 146?

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It's Friday today, I could tell becaus= e I heard my mother on the phone with her sister; my aunt. She usually did = that at the end of the week, to update her on life and what's been going on= , and my aunt to do the same to her.

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They were close. Seeing them always ma= de me wish I had a little brother.

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But now....I don't. I wouldn't want hi= m to see what a disappointment I am. I'm already one to my parents, to my e= ntire family. I couldn't be one to my imaginary brother (who I often named = Jack).

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I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but my ear= s picked up my name. I know she's talked about me before, but she was usual= ly quiet, like she didn't want me to hear what she had to say about me.

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Usually, that meant it wasn't good.

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Thursday? Day 160?

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What day is it? I don't know. I stoppe= d checking my phone. No one calls me, no one texts me. It's my own fault, o= f course. I know that.

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I do the same thing over and over agai= n. I'll break down my schedule.

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-Wake up at.....who knows? Sometime wh= en it's bright out.

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-Use the bathroom, cause I still need = to go.

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-Stay in bed, usually looking at the c= eiling.

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-Mum leaves food outside my bedroom do= or. Sometimes I take a new bites, otherwise I get dizzy. But I never eat it= all. I can't stomach it.

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-Sleep.

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-More bathroom time.

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-Sleep. But this time with music. Loud= Angry. Music.

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-Repeat.

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I do this every day. Every single day.=

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Wednesday? Day 215?

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I can't do this anymore. The emptiness= is swallowing me more and more each day. I can't remember the last time I = felt happy, I can't even remember what day it is. Or what month it is. How = does one lose track of that?

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Is it Monday? Friday? Is it the weeken= d? Is Christmas coming up? I have no fucking idea anymore, and it's driving= me crazy. I used to have control over my life, and now....now it's nothing= I am nothing. I can't stand it.

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I feel like I'm going crazy.=20

I pushed away my parents, I pushed awa= y my friends. I have no one. I AM no one.

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How do I end this? I want there to be = structure again. I want to feel something. I want to smile, and laugh. Hell= , I want to cry. Long and loud, without caring who saw or heard.

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I just want things to stop blending to= gether.

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I want life to go back to how it was b= efore. I want ME to go back to how I was before. How did I get this low?

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It needs to end.

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It will end.

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Friday? Day 218?

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dear mum and dad. you two are Goi= ng to see me happy again, I pOmise. I will work hard to make you prOud of me. I know things got out of control, but= I'm working Day and night to fix it. things didn't go according to plan Bu= t that doesn't mean you need to worrY about me or blame yourself. you two a= re the best parEnts a son could ever have. you love me for who i am, whIch = i know isn't an easy thing to do, Laughable, really. Please dOn't be mad at= me for being Very distant, things just got rough. but i'm doing my bEst. i= hope you know how muc= h i love You and dad, = and am overjOyed that yoU two are my parents.

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Goodbye.

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