keep it real babe

Brad Ruined By Angelina

The shocking truth about their divorce

What Brad used to please Angelina in the-bedroom

›› She got so upset that she revealed everything ‹‹

To last longer and perform better, Brad often used this to satisy Angelina every single night.

This is why, to kick off our summer reading program, twelve twelveyearolds will be selected to be the very first to explore the wonders awaiting inside Mr. Lemoncellos extraordinary new library. You will, of course, need your parents permission. We have slips for you to take home. You will also need a sleeping bag, a toothbrush, and, if you please, a change of clothes. She smiled mysteriously. You might consider packing two pairs of underwear. Ohkay, thought Kyle. Thats bizarre. Did the librarian really think seventh graders werent toilet trained There will be movies, food, fun, games, and prizes. Also, each of our twelve winners will receive a fivehundreddollar gift card good toward the purchase of Lemoncello games and gizmos. Oh, man. Five hundred bucks worth of free games and gear Kyle sank a little lower in his seat. The next time someone gave him an extracredit essay assignment, hed turn it in early And now, here to announce our winners, the man behind the new library, the master gamester himselfMr. Luigi Lemoncello Dr. Zinchenko gestured to her left. The whole auditorium swung their heads. People were clapping and whistling and cheering. But nobody came onstage. The applause petered out. And then, on the opposite side of the stage, Kyle heard a very peculiar sound. It was a cross between a burp and the squeak from a squeeze toy. Over on the side of the stage, a shoe that looked like a peeledopen banana appeared from behind a curtain. When it landed, the shoe burpsqueaked. As a second banana shoe burpsqueaked onto the floor, Kyle looked up and there he wasMr. Lemoncello He had loose and floppy limbs and was dressed in a threepiece black suit with a bright red tie. His black broadbrimmed hat was cocked at a crooked angle atop his curly white hair. Kyle was so close he could see a sly twinkle sparkling in Mr. Lemoncellos coalblack eyes.

I hope he picked yours, Kyle whispered to Akimi. Thanks. I do, too. But the lockin wont be as much fun without you. Well, when its over, and the library is officially open, you can take me on a tour. Thats exactly what Im going to do If I win. If you dont, Im sending a flaming squirrel after Mrs. Cameron. For this assembly, the seventh graders, most of whom were twelve years old, were told to sit in the front rows, close to the stage. That made Kyle feel a little better. At least hed get a chance to see Mr. Lemoncello up close and personal. But his hero wasnt even onstage. Just the principal; the school librarian, Mrs. Yunghans; and a redheaded woman in highheeled shoes who Kyle didnt recognize. She sat up straight, like someone had slipped a yardstick down the back of her bright red business suit. Her glasses were bright red, too. Thats Dr. Yanina Zinchenko gushed Miguel Fernandez, who was sitting on Kyles right. Whos she asked Akimi, seated to Kyles left. Just the most famous librarian in the whole wide world All right, s and s, said the principal at the podium. Settle down. Quiet, please. It is my great honor to introduce the head librarian for the new Alexandriaville public library, Dr. Yanina Zinchenko. Everybody clapped. The tall lady in the red outfit strode to the microphone. Good morning. Her voice was breathy with just a hint of a Russian accent. Twelve years ago, this town lost its one and only public library when it was torn down to make room for an elevated parking garage. Back then, many said the Internet had rendered the ???oldfashioned library obsolete, that a new parking garage would attract shoppers to the boutiques and dress shops near the old bank building. But the librarys demolition also meant that those of you who are now twelve years old have lived your entire lives without a public library.

Lemoncellos amazing new library downtown. Oh. Sounds interesting. I heard on the radio that theres going to be a gala grand opening reception this Friday night at the Parker House Hotel, right across the street from the old bank building. I mean, the new library. Kyle typed in a P.S. to his email: I hope at the party on Friday you have balloons. He hit send. Who did you send your essay to his mother asked. Your teacher No. Mr. Lemoncello himself. It took some digging, but I found his email address on his game companys website. Really Im impressed. His mom rubbed his hair. You know, this morning, I said to your dad: ???Kyle can be just as smart as Curtis and just as focused as Mikewhen he puts his mind to it. Kyle smiled. Thanks, Mom. But his smile quickly disappeared when a BONG alerted him to an incoming email. From Mr. Lemoncello. It was an autoresponse form letter. Dear Lemoncello Game Lover: This is a noreply mailbox. Your message did not go through. Do not try to resend it or youll just hear another BONG But thank you for playing our games. Heading back to school on Tuesday, Kyle knew he had to put on a brave face. He smiled as he walked with his class toward the auditorium for a special earlymorning assembly. The one where Mr. Luigi L. Lemoncello himself would announce the winners of the Library LockIn Essay Contest.