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After I sent it, I called Augustus back, and we stayed up late talking about An Imperial Affliction, and I read him the Emily inson poem that Van Houten had used for the title, and he said I had a good voice for reading and didnt pause too long for the line breaks, and then he told me that the sixth Price of Dawn book, The Blood Approves, begins with a quote from a poem. It took him a minute to find the book, but finally he read the quote to me. Say your life broke down. The last good kiss / You had was years ago. Not bad, I said. Bit pretentious. I believe Max Mayhem would refer to that as sissy shit. Yes, with his teeth gritted, no doubt. God, Mayhem grits his teeth a lot in these books. Hes definitely going to get TMJ, if he survives all this combat. And then after a second, Gus asked, When was the last good kiss you had I thought about it. My kissingall prediagnosishad been uncomfortable and slobbery, and on some level it always felt like kids playing at being grown. But of course it had been a while. Years ago, I said finally. You I had a few good kisses with my exfriend, Caroline Mathers. Years ago The last one was just less than a year ago. What happened During the kiss No, with you and Caroline. Oh, he said. And then after a second, Caroline is no longer suffering from personhood. Oh, I said. Yeah, he said. Im sorry, I said. Id known plenty of dead people, of course. But Id never dated one. I couldnt even imagine it, really. Not your fault, Hazel Grace. Were all just side effects, right Barnacles on the container ship of consciousness, I said, quoting AIA. Okay, he said. I gotta go to sleep. Its almost one. Okay, I said. Okay, he said. I giggled and said, Okay. And then the line was quiet but not dead. I almost felt like he was there in my room with me, but in a way it was better, like I was not in my room and he was not in his, but instead we were together in some invisible and tenuous third space that could only be visited on the phone. Okay, he said after forever. Maybe okay will be our always. Okay, I said. It was Augustus who finally hung up. Peter Van Houten replied to Augustuss email four hours after he sent it, but two days later, Van Houten still hadnt replied to me. Augustus assured me it was because my email was better and required a more thoughtful response, that Van Houten was busy writing answers to my questions, and that brilliant prose took time. But still I worried. On Wednesday during American Poetry for Dummies 101, I got a text from Augustus: Isaac out of surgery. It went well. Hes officially NEC. NEC meant no evidence of cancer. A second text came a few seconds later. I mean, hes blind. So thats unfortunate. That afternoon, Mom consented to loan me the car so I could drive down to Memorial to check in on Isaac. I found my way to his room on the fifth floor, knocking even though the door was open, and a womans voice said, Come in. It was a nurse who was doing something to the bandages on Isaacs eyes. Hey, Isaac, I said. And he said, Mon Oh, no. Sorry. No, its, um, Hazel. Um, Support Group Hazel Nightofthebrokentrophies Hazel Oh, he said. Yeah, people keep saying my other senses will improve to compensate, but CLEARLY NOT YET. Hi, Support Group Hazel. Come over here so I can examine your face with my hands and see deeper into your soul than a sighted person ever could. Hes kidding, the nurse said. Yes, I said. I realize. I took a few steps toward the bed. I pulled a chair up and sat down, took his hand. Hey, I said. Hey, he said back. Then nothing for a while. How you feeling I asked. Okay, he said. I dont know. You dont know what I asked. I looked at his hand because I didnt want to look at his face blindfolded by bandages. Isaac bit his nails, and I could see some blood on the corners of a couple of his cuticles. She hasnt even visited, he said. I mean, we were together fourteen months. Fourteen months is a long time. God, that hurts. Isaac let go of my hand to fumble for his pain pump, which you hit to give yourself a wave of narcotics. The nurse, having finished the bandage change, stepped back. Its only been a day, Isaac, she said, vaguely condescending. Youve gotta give yourself time to heal. And fourteen months isnt that long, not in the scheme of things. Youre just getting started, buddy. Youll see. The nurse left. Is she gone I nodded, then realized he couldnt see me nod. Yeah, I said. Ill see Really Did she seriously say that Qualities of a Good Nurse: Go, I said. 1. Doesnt pun on your disability, Isaac said. 2. Gets blood on the first try, I said. Seriously, that is huge. I mean is this my freaking arm or a dartboard 3. No condescending voice. How are you doing, sweetie I asked, cloying. Im going to stick you with a needle now. There might be a little ouchie. Is my wittle fuffywump sickywicky he answered. And then after a second, Most of them are good, actually. I just want the hell out of this place. This place as in the hospital That, too, he said. His mouth tightened. I could see the pain. Honestly, I think a hell of a lot more about Monica than my eye. Is that crazy Thats crazy. Its a little crazy, I allowed. But I believe in true love, you know I dont believe that everybody gets to keep their eyes or not get sick or whatever, but everybody should have true love, and it should last at least as long as your life does. Yeah, I said. I just wish the whole thing hadnt happened sometimes. The whole cancer thing. His speech was slog down. The medicine working. Im sorry, I said. Gus was here earlier. He was here when I woke up. Took off school. Heâ€¦ His head turned to the side a little. Its better, he said quietly. The pain I asked. He nodded a little. Good, I said. And then, like the bitch I am: You were saying something about Gus But he was gone. I went downstairs to the tiny dowless gift shop and asked the decrepit volunteer sitting on a stool behind a cash register what kind of flowers smell the strongest. They all smell the same. They get sprayed with Super Scent, she said. Really Yeah, they just squirt em with it. I opened the cooler to her left and sniffed at a dozen roses, and then leaned over some carnations. Same smell, and lots of it. The carnations were cheaper, so I grabbed a dozen yellow ones. They cost fourteen dollars. I went back into the room; his mom was there, holding his hand. She was young and really pretty. Are you a friend she asked, which struck me as one of those unintentionally broad and unanswerable questions. Um, yeah, I said. Im from Support Group. These are for him. She took them and placed them in her lap. Do you know Monica she asked. I shook my head no. Well, hes sleeping, she said. Yeah. I talked to him a little before, when they were doing the bandages or whatever. I hated leaving him for that but I had to pick up Graham at school, she said. He did okay, I told her. She nodded. I should let him sleep. She nodded again. I left.

• End anxiety

• End inflammation

• End sleep issues

• End diabete symptoms

• End neuro-disorders