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Nits I stared at him aghast, hand reaching instinctively to my hair Yes, nits Theyve all got them Mr Wallaker looked down, a slight flicker of amusement in his eyes I realize this will cause a National Emergency amongst the north London Mumserati and their coiffeurs but you simply need to nitcomb them And yourself, of course Oh God Billy had been scratching his head recently but Id sort of blanked it as one thing too many to take on Could feel my head starting to crawl as my mind cartwheeled If Billys got nits, then probably Mabels got nits, and Ive got nits, which means that Roxster has got nits Everything all right? Yes, no, super I said Everythings fine, jolly good, bye then, Mr Wallaker Walked away, holding Billys and Mabels hands, to hear a ping on my mobile Hurriedly put on my glasses to read the text It was from Roxster Gaaah Cannot have Roxster coming over when we have to nitcomb everyone and wash all the pillowcases Surely it is not normal to be thinking of an excuse to cancel your toy because the entire household has got nits? Why do I keep getting myself into such a mess? 5 pm We burst back into our terrace house, with the usual jumble of backpacks, crumpled paintings, squashed bananas, plus a large bag of nitcombing products from the chemist, and clattered past the groundfloor lounge/office (increasingly redundant apart from the sofa bed and empty John Lewis boxes) and down the stairs into the warm messy basement/kitchen/sitting room where we spend all our time I settled Billy to do his homework and Mabel to play with her Hellvanians (Sylvanian bunnies) while I put on the spag bog But now am in total fug about what to text Roxster about tonight, and whether I should tell him about the nits 515 pm Maybe not 530 pm Oh God Had just texted when Mabel suddenly sprang up and started singing Billys least favourite song at him, Forgeddabouder money money money Then the phone rang Lunged at it, just as Billy jumped up, yelling, Mabel, stop singing Jessie J and a receptionists voice purred, I have Brian Katzenberg for you Um, could I possibly call Brian back inâ€” Berbling, berbling sang Mabel, chasing Billy round the table I have Brian on now Nooo Can you justâ€” Mabel wailed Billy Stop iiiiiiiiiiiiiiit Shhh Im on the PHONE Heyyyyyy Brians brisk cheery voice So Great news Greenlight Productions want to take out an option on your script What? I said, heart leaping Does that mean theyre going to make it into a film? Brian laughed heartily Its the movie business Theyre just going to give you a small amount of money to develop it, andâ€” Mummeee Mabels got a knife I put my hand over the receiver, hissing, MABEL Give me the knife Now Hello? Hello? Brian was saying Laura, I think weve lost Bridget No Im here I said, flinging myself at Mabel, who was now hurtling after Billy, brandishing the knife They want to have an exploratory meeting on Monday at noon Monday Great I said, wrestling the knife off Mabel Is the exploratory meeting like an interview? Mummeeee Shhhh I hustled the two of them onto the sofa, and started struggling with the remotes They just have a few issues with the script they want to talk about before they decide to go ahead Right, right Suddenly felt hurt and indignant A few issues with my script already? But what could they possibly be? So, remember theyre not going toâ€” Mummeee Im bleeeeeding Shall I call back in a while? No All fine I said desperately, as Mabel yelled, Call de ambulance