so many ways

reached over to the square tap column and turned a bit of the base, at which water started gushing out Have a look on Goop, he said, suddenly changing back into funny, flippant Tom See what Gwyneth has to say about and Frenchstyle parenting 1115 pm Just said goodnight to Chloe, trying to conceal slight squiffiness Sorry Im a bit late, I mumbled sheepishly Five minutes? she said, wrinkling her nose, kindly Glad you had a bit of fun 1145 pm In bed now Tellingly, am wearing, instead of usual pyjamas with dogs on, which match the rens, the only vaguely ual nightie I can still get into Suddenly have surge of hopeful feeling Maybe Talitha is right If I shrivel and become bitter, then what use will that be to the ren? They will become centric, demanding King Babies: and I a negative, rasping old fool, lunging at sherry, roaring, WHY DONT YOU DO ANYTHING FOR MEEEEEEEEE? 1150 pm Maybe have been going through long dark tunnel, which there is light at the end of Maybe someone could love me? Is no reason why could not bring a man back here I could put a hook inside bedroom door, so the ren wouldnt walk in on us, creating an adult, sensual world of gaaah Cry from Mabel 1152 pm Rushed into s room to see fluffyheaded figure in bottom bunk, sitting up, then quickly bending over, flatpack style, which is what she always does as she is not supposed to wake up in the night Mabel then sat straight up again, looked down at her pyjamas, which belched diarrhoea, opened her mouth and was sick 1153 pm Lifted Mabel into the bath and removed PJs, trying not to retch 1154 pm Washed and dried Mabel, sat her on floor, then went to find new PJs, remove sheets and attempt to locate clean sheets Midnight Crying from s room Still carrying diarrhoea sheets, diverted to room, only to hear rival crying emerging from bathroom Considered wine Reminded self am responsible mother, not slapper in All Bar One 1201 am Flapped in fuguelike state between s room and bathroom Level of bathroomcrying notched up Rushed in, assuming Mabel consuming Bic razor, poison or similar, to find her pooing on the floor with expression both guilty and startled Overwhelmed by love for Mabel Picked her up Diarrhoea and sick now not only on sheets, bathmat, Mabel, etc, but also on vaguely ual nightie 1207 am Went to s room, still holding Mabel, plus diarrhoea ensemble, to find Billy out of bed, hair all hot and messy, looking up as if I was benign God with answer to all things Billy held my gaze, whilst belching sick in manner of Exorcist except head remained in forward stationary position instead of spinning round and round 1208 am Diarrhoea erupted onto Billys PJs Billys bewildered expression overwhelmed self with love for Billy Ended up in diarrhoea/vomitfilled Californiastyle group hug embracing Billy, Mabel and diarrhoea sheets, bathmat, PJs and vaguely ual nightie 1210 am Wished Mark was here Had sudden flashback to Mark in his lawyerly dressing gown at night, the glimpse of hairy chest, the sudden flashes of humour at baby chaos, getting all military trying to organize us all, as if it was some sort of crossborder situation, then realizing the absurdity of it all, and both of us ending up giggling Hes missing all the little moments, I thought Missing his own ren growing up Even this would have been funny instead of confusing and scary One of us could have stayed with them and the other done the sheets, then we could have got into bunk beds again and giggled about it and how could anyone else ever delight in them and love them as he would have, even when they are pooing everywhere and ? 1215 am Mummy Billy jerked self back to reality Was difficult situation, undeniably: everyone poo and sicksmeared, alarmed and retching Ideal would be to separate ren and fabrics/fluids and put both ren in warm bath and find sheets But what if pooing/vomiting continued? What then? Water could become toxic, and possibly cholerafilled, like open sewer in refugee camp

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