the real voice

I WILL *Lose 30lb *Be kinder to Talitha, Jude, Tom and Magda in return for their kindness to me *Go to Pilates once a week, Zumba twice a week, gym three times a week and yoga four times a week I WILL NOT *Drink so much Diet Coke before yoga that entire yoga session becomes exercise in trying not to fart *Ever be late for school run *Do Vsigns at people during school run *Get annoyed by dishwasher, tumble dryer and microwave beeping in attentionseeking manner to tell you they have finished, wasting time crossly imitating dishwasher by dancing round saying, Oh, oh, look at me, Im a dishwasher, Ive washed the dishes *Get annoyed with Mum, Una or Perfect Nicolette *Call Nicolette Nicorette *Chew more than ten pieces of Nicorette per day *Hide empty wine bottles from Chloe *Eat grated cheese straight out of the fridge, dropping it all over the floor *Be shouty or snarly with the ren but talk in calm, even, electronicpersononvoicemailtype voice at all times *Drink more than one can (each) of Red Bull and Diet Coke a day *Drink more than two nondecaf cappuccinos a day Or three *Eat more than three Big Macs or Starbucks hamandcheese paninis per week *Keep saying, One two in warning voice to ren before have decided what to do when get to three *Lie in bed in the morning thinking morbid or erotic thoughts, but get straight up at six oclock and do self up for school run in manner of Stella McCartney, Claudia Schiffer or similar *Wang around hysterically when things go wrong but instead achieve acceptance and calm and stand like a great tree in the midst of it all But how can I accept what happened? Look, I mustnt Gaah Is time for doctors appointment and have not got snack ready, written, meditated or located whereabouts of EFFING CAR KEYS SOCIAL MEDIA Saturday 21 April 2012 172lb, minutes spent on exercise bike 0,

minutes spent cleaning out cupboard 0, minutes spent working out how to use remotes 0, resolutions kept 0 915 pm ren are asleep and house is all dark and quiet Oh God, IM SO LONELY Everyone else in London is out laughing uproariously with their friends in restaurants and then having 925 pm Look Is absolutely fine being in on own on Saturday nights Will simply clear out cupboard under stairs then get on exercise bike 930 pm Just looked in cupboard Maybe not 932 pm Just looked in fridge Maybe will have glass of wine and bag of grated cheese 935 pm Thats better Am going to get on Twitter With the advent of social media is no need for anyone to feel isolated and alone ever again 945 pm Have got onto Twitter site but do not understand Is just incomprehensible streams of gibberish halfconversations with @this and @that How is anybody supposed to know what is going on? Sunday 22 April 2012 915 pm OK Have got self set up on Twitter now Need to find name Something youngsounding: TotesAmazogBridget? 946 pm Maybe not 1015 pm JoneseyBJ 1016 pm But why does it call it @JoneseyBJ? @? At? At what? Monday 23 April 2012 176lb (oh God), Twitter followers 0 915 pm Cannot figure out how to put up photo Is just empty eggshaped graphic Is fine Can be photo of self before was conceived 945 pm Right Will wait for followers 947 pm No followers 950 pm Actually will not wait for followers A watched pot never boils 10 pm Wonder if Ive got any followers yet

Gwen so disgusted that she tells all about Blake Hes no longer a chnuky mess Read More > > >

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