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Bernadette said a voice. I opened my eyes. I had fallen asleep. This is the problem with never sleeping. Sometimes you actually do, at the worst times: like this time: in public. Bernadette It was Elgie. What are you doing asleep in here Elgie I wiped the drool off my cheek. They wouldnt give me Haldol, so I have to wait for Xanax. What He glanced out the window. Standing on the street were some Microsoft people I vaguely recognized. What are you wearing He was referring to my fishing vest. Oh, this. I got it from the Internet. Could you please stand up he said. I have a lunch. Do I need to cancel it God, no I said. Im fine. I didnt sleep last night and just dozed off.

Go, do, be. Im going to come home for dinner. Can we go out to dinner tonight Arent you going to D.C. It can wait, he said. Yeah, sure, I said. Buzz and I will pick a place. Just me and you. He left. I cant listen to this I smacked the radio off. I know its horrific, Mom said. But youre old enough. We live a life of privilege in Seattle. That doesnt mean we can literally switch off these women, whose only fault was being born in the Congo during a civil war. We need to bear witness. She turned the radio back on. I crumpled in my seat and fumed. The war in Congo rages on with no end in sight, the announcer said. And now comes word of a new campaign by the soldiers, to find the women they have already raped and rerape them. Holy Christ on a cross Mom said. I draw the line at reraping. And she turned off NPR. We sat in silence. Then, at ten of four, we had to turn the radio back on because Fridays at ten of four is when we listen to our favorite person ever, Cliff Mass. If you dont know who Cliff Mass is, well, hes this thing me and Mom have, this awesome weather geek who loves weather so much you have no choice but to love him in return. Once, I think I was ten, and I was home with a babysitter while Mom and Dad went to Town Hall for some lecture. The next morning, Mom showed me a picture on her digital camera. Me and guess who I had no idea. Youre going to be so jealous when you find out. I made a mean face at her.

Mom and Dad call it my Kubrick face, and it was a glowering face I made when I was a little baby. Mom finally screamed, Cliff Mass Oh my God, can someone please stop me before I write more about Cliff Mass Heres my point: first, because of the reraping, and second, because Mom and I were so in love with Cliff Mass, of course we didnt talk much on the way home that day, so I couldnt have known she was traumatized. We pulled in the driveway. There were a bunch of giant trucks on the side street, and one was parked on our loop to keep the gate open. Workmen were coming and going. It was hard to make out what exactly was going on through the rainsmeared windshield. Dont ask, Mom said. Audrey Griffin demanded we get rid of the blackberries. Not all of them I cried. How could you Dont get all peevish on me, she said. Im the one taking you to the South Pole. Mom, I said, were not going to the South Pole. Wait, were not The only place tourists go is the Antarctic Peninsula, which is like the Florida Keys of Antarctica. Its shocking, but Mom genuinely didnt seem to know this. Its still zero degrees, I continued. But its a teenytiny part of Antarctica. Its like someone saying theyre going to Colorado for Christmas, and then you ask them, How was New York Sure, its the United States. But its just totally ignorant. Please tell me you knew that, Mom, but you forgot because youre tired. Tired and ignorant, she said. * From: SooLin LeeSegal To: Audrey Griffin Before you write me off as the Who Cried RealTime Flash, listen to this. As I told you, Elgin, Pablo, and I had a lunch meeting downtown. Elgin insisted we take the 888 Shuttle.

(Which, it turns out, is no different from the Connector. All these years Id imagined the doors opening and it looking like the inside of a genies bottle or something.) There was construction downtown, so when we got to the corner of Fifth and Seneca, traffic had completely stopped. Elgin said it would be faster to walk. It was pouring buckets, but it wasnt my place to argue so I followed them off the shuttle. Now, Audrey, youre always talking about Gods plan. For the first time, I understand what you mean. I would have thought God was forsaking me when he made me walk three blocks in the pouring rain. But it turns out there was something on that third block that God intended me to see. Elgin, Pablo, and I were scurrying along Fourth Avenue, heads down, clutching closed our hoods over our faces. I happened to glance up, and what do I see Bernadette Fox asleep in a pharmacy. I repeat, Bernadette Fox just lying on a couch with her eyes closed in the middle of a compound pharmacy. She might as well have been in the window at Nordstrom for all of Seattle to see. She wore dark glasses, trousers and loafers, a mens shirt with silver cuff links, and some kind of vest underneath her raincoat. Also, she was clutching a fancy purse with one of her silk scarves tied to it. Pablo and Elgin were up ahead on the corner, turning in circles, wondering where I had gone. Elgin spotted me and marched over, looking irate.

I I stammered, Im sorry It was my first day on the job. Whatever was going on with Bernadette, I wanted no part of it. I ran to catch up, but it was too late. Elgin had already looked in the window. His face went white. He pulled open the door and went inside. By this time, Pablo had come over. Elgins wife is asleep in there, I explained. Its really coming down, Pablo said. He smiled and refused to turn his head toward the pharmacy. I already know what Im going to order for lunch, I said. The saltandpepper calamari. Its not on the menu, but they make it for you if you ask. Sounds good, he said. Im probably going to have to check out the menu before I order. Finally, Elgin came out, looking shaky. Change my flight to D.C., he said. I want to leave in the morning. I wasnt completely up to speed on Elgins schedule. But I did know his presentation was in D.C. at four p.m. I opened my mouth to explain that with the time difference