FOX Breaking Report

HITLERS FINAL WORDS

What he said on his death-bed over 70 years ago

Washington (FOX) Reports are flooding news wires across the country about what he said before he took his last breath. Its so unepected that it will forever change the way we live.

He whispered this to his brother

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* * From: OllieO To: Prospective Parent Brunch Committee Crisis. Enormous billboard hovering over Audreys house. Erected overnight by crazy neighbor. (Fellow Galer Street parent) Audrey hysterical. Husband calling city attorney. I dont do black swan. * From: Helen Derwood, PhD To: Galer Street Kindergarten Parents Cc: Galer Street AllSchool List Parents, I assume your little ones have told you snippets about the shocking events at todays brunch. No doubt you are concerned and confused. As the only kindergarten parent in attendance, Ive been inundated with phone calls asking what really happened. As many of you know, Im a counselor at Swedish Medical Center, specializing in posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I went to New Orleans after Katrina and still make frequent trips to Haiti. With the permission of Head of School Goodyear, I am writing both as a parent and PTSD counselor. Its important to root our discussion in the facts. You dropped off your ren in front of Galer Street. From there, we boarded the bus, and Mr. Kangana drove us to the Queen Anne home of Audrey and Warren Griffin. Despite the rain, the setting was lovely. The planters were full of colorful flowers, and the smell of burning wood filled the air. A gentleman by the name of OllieO greeted us and directed us to the side entrance, where we were asked to remove our raincoats and rain boots.

Remember how I told you I was going to Seattle on a pilgrimage to see the public library, and I joked that Id let you know if I had a Bernadette Fox sighting Well, guess who I saw outside the public library Bernadette Fox She was about fifty, her hair was brown and wild. The only reason I looked twice was because she was wearing a fishing vest, which is something you notice. Theres the one picture of Bernadette Fox taken about twenty years ago when she won her award. And you hear all the speculation about her, how she moved to Seattle and became a recluse or went crazy. I had a really strong feeling it was her. Before I could say anything, she abruptly volunteered, Bernadette Fox. I started gushing. I told her I was a graduate student at USC, and had visited Beeber Bifocal every time they opened it to the public, and that our winter project is a competition to reinterpret the Twenty Mile House. I suddenly realized I had said too much. Her eyes were vacant. Something was seriously wrong with her. I wanted to get a picture of me with the elusive Bernadette Fox. (Talk about a profile pic) But then I thought better of it. This woman has given me so much already. The relationship has been oneway, and still I want to take more I bowed to her with my hands in prayer position and walked into the library, leaving her standing outside in the rain. I feel bad because I think I might have messed her up. Anyway. In case you were wondering: Bernadette Fox is walking around Seattle in the middle of winter wearing a fishing vest.

The brunch was in full swing. There were approximately fifty guests in attendance, who all appeared to be enjoying themselves. I noted palpable tension coming from Gwen Goodyear, Audrey Griffin, and OllieO, but nothing a kindergartener would be able to detect. We were led to the sunroom, where Mr. Kangana had set up his marimbas the night before. The ren who had to go potty did, then kneeled behind their instruments. The shades were drawn, leaving the room quite dark. The ren had difficulty locating their mallets, so I began to raise the shades. OllieO materialized and grabbed my hand. Thats a nonstarter. He turned on the lights. The guests packed in for the performance. After a short introduction by Gwen Goodyear, the ren started in with My Giant Carp. You would have been so proud It was going delightfully. About a minute in, however, a commotion erupted in the backyard, where the caterers were. Holy s someone shouted from outside. A few guests reacted with goodnatured titters. The ren hardly noticed, they were so absorbed in their music. The song ended. All the little eyes were on Mr. Kangana, who counted them into their next song, One, two, three F someone else shouted. This was not OK. I dashed through the laundry room to the back door, with the intention of shushing the raucous caterers. I turned the handle. A strong, dull, consistent pressure pushed the door toward me. Immediately sensing a terrible force of nature on the other side, I attempted to close the door. The inhuman force wouldnt allow it. I stuck my foot against the bottom of the door. I heard an ominous creak. The hinges began pulling loose from the frame.

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