a job granted

I hit the pause button. How do you even know this I demanded. Abbey Road Mom shrugged. I dont know, you just know it. She unpaused the CD. When Here Comes the Sun started, what happened No, the sun didnt come out, but Mom opened up like the sun breaking through the clouds. You know how in the first few notes of that song, theres something about Georges guitar thats just so hopeful It was like when Mom sang, she was full of hope, too. She even got the irregular clapping right during the guitar solo. When the song was over, she paused it. Oh, Bee, she said. This song reminds me of you. She had tears in her eyes. Mom This is why I didnt want her to come to the firstgrade elephant dance. Because the most random things get her way too full of love. I need you to know how hard it is for me sometimes. Mom had her hand on mine. Whats hard The banality of life, she said. But it wont keep me from taking you to the South Pole. Were not going to the South Pole I know. Its a hundred below zero at the South Pole. Only scientists go to the South Pole. I started reading one of the books. I wiggled out my hand and hit play. Heres the funny part. When I burned the CD, I didnt uncheck the thing iTunes defaults to when it asks if you want two seconds between songs. So when it came to the awesome medley, Mom and I sang along to You Never Give Me Your , then Sun King, which Mom knew, even the Spanish part, and she doesnt even speak Spanish, she speaks French. And then the twosecond gaps started. If you dont understand how tragic and annoying this is, seriously, start singing along to Sun King. Toward the end, youre singing all sleepy in Spanish, gearing up to start grooving to Mean Mr. Mustard, because what makes the end of Sun King so great is youre drifting along, but at the same time youre anticipating Ringos drums, which kick in on Mean Mr. Mustard, and it turns funky. But if you dont uncheck the box on iTunes, you get to the end of Sun King and then HARSH DIGITAL TWOSECOND SILENCE. And during Polythene Pam, right after the look out, itGAPS OUTbefore She Came in Through the Bathroom Window. Seriously, its torture. During all this, Mom and I were howling. Finally, the CD ended. I love you, Bee, Mom said. Im trying. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesnt. The ferry line hadnt moved. I guess we should just go home, I said. It was a bummer because Kennedy never wanted to spend the night in Seattle because our house scares her. Once, she swore she saw a lump in one of the rugs move. Its alive, its alive she screamed. I told her it was just a blackberry vine growing through the floorboards, but she was convinced it was the ghost of one of the Straight Gate s. Mom and I headed up Queen Anne Hill. Mom once said the ganglia of electric bus wires overhead were like a Jacobs ladder. Every time we drove up, I imagined reaching my fanned fingers up into the web and pulling them through the roof in a cats cradle. We turned into our driveway. We were halfway through the gate. And there was Audrey Griffin walking up to our car. Oh, , Mom said. DÃ©jÃ vu all over again. What is it now Watch out for her foot, I said, totally joking. Oh, no Moms voice kind of barfed out the words. She covered her face with her hands. What I said. What Audrey Griffin wasnt wearing a jacket. Her pants were covered in mud from the knee down, and she was barefoot. There was mud in her hair, too. Mom opened her door without turning off the car. By the time I got out, Audrey Griffin was screaming. Your hillside just slid into my home I was like, what Our yard was so big, and the end of our lawn was so far down, I couldnt see what she was talking about. During a party, Audrey continued, for prospective Galer Street parents. I had no idea Moms voice was all shaky. That I believe, Audrey said, because you are totally uninvolved in the school. Both kindergarten classes were there Was anyone hurt Mom said. Thank the Lord, no. Audrey had a crazy smile. Mom and I share a fascination with what we call happyangry people. This display of Audrey Griffins had just become the best version of that ever. OK. Thats good. Mom sighed a huge sigh. Thats good. I could tell she was trying to convince herself. Good Audrey shrieked. My backyard is six feet high in mud. It broke windows, destroyed plants, trees, hardwood floors, ripped my washer and dryer out of the wall Audrey was talking really fast and taking lots of breaths. It was like with each item she ticked off, the needle on her happyangry meter was moving more and more to the right. My barbecue is gone. My window treatments are ruined. My greenhouse crushed. Seedlings killed. Specimen apple trees that have taken twentyfive years to establish, pulled up by the roots. Japanese maples flattened. Heirloom roses gone. The fire pit that I tiled myself is gone

Mom was sucking in the corners of her mouth to keep a smile from forming. I had to quickly look down so I wouldnt crack up. But any perverse humor we might have found in the situation suddenly ended. And that sign Audrey said with a growl. Moms face dropped. She could barely utter the words The sign. What sign I asked. What kind of person puts up a sign Audrey said. Ill have it taken down today, Mom said. What sign I repeated. The mud took care of that for you, Audrey told Mom. Id never noticed how light green Audrey Griffins eyes were until they bugged out at my mother. Ill pay for everything, Mom said. Heres something about Mom: shes bad with annoyances, but great in a crisis. If a waiter doesnt refill her water after shes asked three times, or she forgets her dark glasses when the sun comes out, look out But when it comes to something truly bad happening, Mom plugs into this supreme calm. I think she got it from all those years half living at rens because of me. Im just saying, when things are bad, theres nobody better to have in your corner than Mom. But this calm of hers seemed only to set Audrey Griffin off worse. Is that all everything is about for you The madder Audrey got, the sparklier her eyes became. Up here in your gigantic house looking down on all of us, writing checks, but never deigning to come off your throne and honor us with your presence Youre obviously emotional, Mom said. You need to remember the work I had done on the hillside was at your insistence, Audrey. I used your guy and had him do it on the day you specified. So none of it is your responsibility Audrey clucked. Thats mighty convenient for you. How about the sign, then Did I make you put that up, too Really, Im curious. What sign I started to get scared with all the talk of the sign. Buzz, Mom turned to me. I did something really stupid. Ill tell you about it. This poor , Audrey said bitterly. With everything shes had to go through. Whaa I said. Im truly sorry about the sign, Mom stated emphatically to Audrey. I did it on impulse the day I found you on my lawn with your gardener. Youre blaming me Audrey said. Isnt this just fascinating It was like her happy needle had busted through the danger zone and was now entering uncharted territory where no happyangry person has gone before. I, for one, was frightened. Im blaming myself, Mom said. Im just making the point that there is a larger context to what happened today. You think a gentleman coming to your house to give you an estimate for yard work, which is legally required by city code, is equivalent to putting up a billboard, traumatizing both kindergarten classes, jeopardizing Galer Street enrollment, and destroying my home The sign was a reaction to that, Mom said. Yes. Wooowww, Audrey Griffin said, spreading the word up and down like a roller coaster. Her voice was so full of hate and craziness that it pierced my skin. My heart began racing in a scary way it never had before. This is really interesting. Audrey widened her eyes. So you think putting up a hateful billboard over my home is an appropriate reaction to getting an estimate for yard work. She pointed her finger in eight different directions during that last sentence. I think I understand. It was an overreaction, Mom told Audrey with renewed calm. Dont forget you were trespassing on my property. So basically, Audrey exploded, youre insane Her eyes fluttered spastically. Golly, I was always wondering. Now I have my answer. Her face froze in demented wonder and she started clapping her hands really fast and small. Audrey, Mom said. Dont stand there and pretend you havent been playing this game, too. I dont play games. How about getting Gwen Goodyear to send out that letter about me running over your foot What was that Oh, Bernadette, Audrey said, shaking her head sadly. You really need to stop being so paranoid. Perhaps if you interacted more with people, youd realize were not a bunch of scary bogeymen who are out to get you. She held up both hands and clawed the air. I think were done, Mom said. Again, I want to apologize for the sign. It was a stupid mistake and I intend to take full responsibility, in terms of , in terms of time, in terms of Gwen Goodyear and Galer Street. Mom turned and walked around the front of the car. When she was about get in, Audrey Griffin started up again, like a movie monster come back to life.