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Five hours later, the nurse came around and gave me the shot to dry up my milk. The surgery had been botched. Our baby wasnt strong enough to endure another one. Heres what inconsolable looks like: me sitting in my car in the parking lot of rens Hospital, all the windows rolled up, wearing my hospital gown, twelve inches of pads between my legs and Elgies parka over my shoulders, Elgie standing outside in the dark, trying to make me out through fogged windows. I was all torture and adrenaline. I had no thoughts, no emotions. Inside me roiled something so terrible that God knew he had to keep my baby alive, or this torrent within me would be unleashed on the universe. Ten in the morning, a knock on the windshield. We can see her now, Elgie said. Thats when I met Bee. She was sleeping peacefully in her incubator, a little blue loaf with a yellow cap on, the sheets perfectly stretched across her chest. There were wires and tubes stuck on and in every piece of her. Beside her towered a rack of thirteen monitors.

She was plugged into every one. Your daughter, the nurse said. Shes been through a lot. I understood then that Bee was other and that she had been entrusted to me. You know those posters of baby Krishna, Balakrishna, as hes known, the incarnation of Vishnu, the creator and destroyer, and hes fat and happy and blue Thats what Bee was, the creator and the destroyer. It was just so obvious. Shes not going to die, I said to the nurses, like they were the stupidest people on earth. Shes Balakrishna. The name was put on her birth certificate. The only reason Elgie played along was because he knew the grief counselor was scheduled to meet with us in an hour. I asked to be left alone with my daughter. Elgie once gave me a locket of Saint Bernadette, who had eighteen visions. He said Beeber Bifocal and Twenty Mile were my first two visions. I dropped to my knees at Bees incubator and grabbed my locket. I will never build again, I said to God. I will renounce my other sixteen visions if youll keep my baby alive. It worked. Nobody in Seattle likes me. The day I got here, I went to Macys to buy a mattress. I asked if someone could help me. Youre not from around here, are you the lady said.

I can tell from your energy. What kind of energy was that That I asked to be helped by a mattress saleslady in a mattress department I cant tell you the number of times Ive been in the middle of a perfunctory conversation, and someone will say, Tell us what you really think. Or Maybe you should switch to decaf. I blame the proximity to Canada. Lets leave it at that; otherwise Ill get onto the subject of Canadians, and thats something you seriously dont have time for. I recently made one friend, though, a woman named Manjula, who runs my errands for me all the way from India. Shes virtual, but its a start. The motto of this city should be the immortal words spoken by that French field marshal during the siege of Sebastopol, Jy suis, jy resteI am here, and here I shall remain. People are born here, they grow up here, they go to the University of Washington, they work here, they die here. Nobody has any desire to leave. You ask them, What is it again that you love so much about Seattle and they answer, We have everything. The mountains and the water. This is their explanation, mountains and water. As much as I try not to engage people in the grocery checkout, I couldnt resist one day when I overheard one refer to Seattle as cosmopolitan. Encouraged, I asked, Really She said, Sure, Seattle is full of people from all over. Like where Her answer, Alaska. I have a ton of friends from Alaska. Whoomp, there it is.

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