Received: from nobody by stodi.digitalkingdom.org with local (Exim 4.87) (envelope-from ) id 1c4xPk-0005UJ-Su for lojban-newreal@lojban.org; Thu, 10 Nov 2016 14:01:44 -0800 Received: from [162.244.12.7] (port=43498 helo=majortacpens.com) by stodi.digitalkingdom.org with esmtp (Exim 4.87) (envelope-from ) id 1c4xPg-0005TK-Gf for lojban@lojban.org; Thu, 10 Nov 2016 14:01:44 -0800 Date: Thu, 10 Nov 2016 15:20:09 -0700 Message-ID: <134242479904_24247990syy19528931.lojban@lojban.org118> Mime-Version: 1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit From: "Arthur Brook" To: Content-Type: text/html; charset=us-ascii Subject: Cutting edge pen protects you against assaults X-Spam-Score: -0.4 (/) X-Spam_score: -0.4 X-Spam_score_int: -3 X-Spam_bar: / Tactical-Specials

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Are you famous My dadhes in the movies. Hercules snarled. Dont get me started with the movies. Gods of Olympus they never get anything right. Have you seen one movie about me where I look like me Piper had to admit he had a point. Im surprised youre so young. Ha Being immortal helps. But yes I wasnt so old when I died. Not by modern standards. I did a lot during my years as a herotoo much really. His eyes drifted to Jason. Son of Zeus eh Jupiter Jason said. Not much difference Hercules grumbled. Dads annoying in either form. Me I was called Heracles. Then the Romans came along and named me Hercules. I didnt really change that much though lately just thinking about it gives me splitting headaches The left side of his face twitched. His robes shimmered momentarily turning white then back to purple. At any rate Hercules said if youre Jupiters son you might understand. Its a lot of pressure. Enough is never enough. Eventually it can make a guy snap. He turned to Piper. She felt like a thousand ants were crawling up her back. There was a mixture of sadness and darkness in his eyes that seemed not quite sane and definitely not safe. As for you my dear Hercules said be careful. Sons of Zeus can bewell never mind. Piper wasnt sure what that meant. Suddenly she wanted to get as far from this god as possible but she tried to maintain a calm polite expression. So Lord Hercules she said were on a quest. Wed like permission to pass into the Mediterranean. Hercules shrugged. Thats why Im here. After I died Dad made me the doorkeeper of Olympus. I said Great Palace duty Party all the time What he didnt mention is that Id be guarding the doors to the ancient lands stuck on this island for the rest of eternity. Lots of fun. He pointed at the pillars rising from the surf. understand nothing Hercules said coldly. My first family: dead. My life wasted on ridiculous quests. My second wife dead after being tricked into poisoning me and leaving me to a painful demise. And my compensation I got to become a minor god. Immortal so I can never forget my pain. Stuck here as a gatekeeper a doorman aa butler for the Olympians. No you dont understand. The only god who understands me even a little bit is Dionysus. And at least he invented something useful. I have nothing to show except bad film adaptations of my life. Piper turned on the charmspeak. Thats horribly sad Lord Hercules. But please go easy on us. Were not bad people. She thought shed succeeded. Hercules hesitated. Then his jaw tightened and he shook his head. On the opposite side of this island over those hills youll find a river. In the middle of that river lives the old god Achelous. Hercules waited as if this information should send them running in terror. And Jason asked. And Hercules said I want you to break off his other horn and bring it to me. He has horns Jason said. Waithis other horn What Figure it out the god snapped. Here this should help. He said the word help like it meant hurt. From under his robes Hercules took a small book and tossed it to Piper. She barely caught it. The books glossy cover showed a photographic montage of Greek temples and smiling monsters. The Minotaur was giving the thumbsup. The title read: The Hercules Guide to the Mare Nostrum. Bring me that horn by sundown Hercules said. Just the two of you. No contacting your friends. Your ship will remain where it is. If you succeed you may pass into the Mediterranean. And if we dont Piper asked pretty sure she didnt want the answer. Well Achelous will kill you obviously Hercules said. And I will break your ship in half with my bare hands and send your friends to an early grave. Jason shifted his feet. Couldnt we just sing a funny song Id get going Hercules said coldly. Sundown. Or your friends are dead. The Hercules Guide to the Mare Nostrum didnt help much with snakes and mosquitoes. If this is a magic island Piper grumbled why couldnt it be a nice magic island They tromped up a hill and down into a heavily wooded valley careful to avoid the blackandredstriped snakes sunning themselves on the rocks. Mosquitoes swarmed over stagnant ponds in the lowest areas. The trees were mostly stunted olives cypress and pines. The chirring of the cicadas and the oppressive heat reminded Piper of the rez in Oklahoma during the summer. So far they hadnt found any river. We could fly Jason suggested again. We might miss something Piper said. Besides Im not sure I want to drop in on an unfriendly god. What was his name EtchaSketch Achelous. Jason was trying to read the guidebook while they walked so he kept running into trees and stumbling over rocks. Says here hes a potamus.














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