<= /div>

> But if you have any alternative translations please post. I'll acc= ept any
> precious amendment.

I was suggesting just slipping an extra {te}:

.u'i lo janbe ku
te tonga ca lo nu

as it's easier to fit than {lo se janbe}.

Yes, it is. Although it breaks the rhythm

> I'm afraid that each vers= e must begin with ni'o or .i
> Is it so ?

I asked the same thing once and it seems it's accepted to drop {i}/
{ni'o} at the beginnings of song verses.
My thread: https://groups.go= ogle.com/group/lojban-beginners/browse_thread/thread/2dbdffb= 929cba23e/

> Any mistakes ?
> Any suggestions for next verses ?

{je} and its friends are deceitful. They bind all the arguments of
connected selbri (I'm not sure what happens when they have different
numbers of arguments). So when you say {janbe je vitno}, it implies
that the sound of bells and the property in which they're eternal is
the same thing, and I doubt you can pass sound as a property.

Is it really so ? If {je} binds all arguments if selb= ri then how can the phrase

7.=
6)   melbi je cmalu nixli bo ckule

exist ?

Are melbi2 and cmalu2 now the same ?

As f= or selbri with different number of arguments they definitely don't get extr= a arguments.

Compare

6.7)   ta blanu je zdani

And {vitno} means x1 is permanent/last= ing/[eternal] in property x2 (ka) by standard x3 [time-span/expectant one].=

Does x1 need to be a property ?

se janbe + vitno =3D b= eing a sound produced by a bell and being permanent

What's wrong = ?

Not considering this song what is your translation of th= e phrase {eternal sound produced by a bell} ?

Also, I suggest changing the second hal= f of the refrain to

u'i se salcarce fi
lo pamei xirma ku

Unless you like it less than your version, of course.

OK, now there are two authors. .ui.&= nbsp;

I'm sure there is a lot of room for improvement.

= Then in your version you can change the first {u'i} to {ni'o} to avoid taut= ology

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