[lojban] Re: Translation: Criticism requested

["Jorge Llambías" <lojban-out@lojban.org>]

On 12/5/07, Penguino <spheniscine@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> Many Australians favour making the nation a republic.
> so'i sralypre cu zanru le su'u le sralygu'e cu se nalselnolje'a kei goi ko'a

I think I prefer something like {gubytutra} for "republic". If you want to
keep the "making" part it would be something like:

so'i sralypre cu zanru lo nu galfi le gugde lo gubytutra kei goi ko'a

> However, it is unclear just how many Australians there are in favour of this,
> .i ku'i na filseljmi fa le du'u xokau sralypre cu go'i

Perhaps {filselpai} rather than {filseljmi}. It may be hard to determine,
but it doesn't seem to be something that is hard to understand.

> and until we know and
> are sure that a very large majority of Australians want a republic,
> .i je pu'o lo nu ma'a djuno je birti lo du'u piso'a sralypre cu djica ko'a kei kei

I'd say {so'a sralypre}. {piso'a sralypre} seems to mean "almost all of
an Australian".

I don't like {pu'o} for "until", because normally a tag tags the selbri of the
main clause, not that of the subordinate clause. I don't think making an
exception for {pu'o} and {ba'o} is a good idea. I would suggest {pu lo nu},
or {co'u lo nu},  or {ca lo nu ma'a pu'o djuno je birti}.

> we should not move too quickly to implement this change.
> ma'a bilga lo nu na dukse sutra gaurtoi ko'a

{ma'a} is appropriate if this is being addressed to other Australians only.

If "we should" is meant as an expression of what the speaker considers
the best course of action, then {.ei} is better than {bilga}, which suggests
some legal or similar contractual obligation.

I'm not sure about {gaurtoi} for "implement". "Move to implement" means
something like "prepare to carry out", not "try to carry out". I suggest:

ma'a na .ei dukse sutra brebi'o ko'a

mu'o mi'e xorxes


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