Re: [lojban] reklesi

[Pierre Abbat <phma@phma.optus.nu>]

On Tuesday 21 September 2010 18:22:52 Remo Dentato wrote:
> Hi there, I finally manged to put online the draft version of the
> prologue of "TwoKinds".
>
> You might notice I've introduced some "syntatic sugar" to help fit the
> text into the baloon. The final version will have a note at the
> begininng explaining those conventions and some words that are
> specifically coined for the comic (as Keidran, for example).
>
> Suggestions, feedback and criticism are always welcome.

p. 2: "mi bu'u ma" is "I where" (it is grammatical, but in the way an answer 
to a double question is). I'd say "mi zvati ma". Similarly "mi me'e 
ma" -> "ma cmene mi".

p. 3: "ma ninmu", on the foliage, doesn't correspond to anything in the 
original. "mi bu'u vi zutse" is a double time tense; I'd say "mi zutse ti" 
or "mi stali ti". "hide" here means not "se cacher/esconderse" (I guess 
that's what you meant by "pifrivbi") but "cuir/cuero" (I've forgotten what 
Italian I used to know). I'd say "do manci lo du'u pleji da'i makau fo lo 
simsa be do skapi".

p. 4: "e'o ko dicra lo nu raktu ti nixli" means "Please interrupt a girl of 
the disturbing-this type." I'm not sure what you meant, but "ju'i do ko na 
raktu ti" is closer to the original. "mi kakne lo nu pilno ti xacyba'e" 
means "I can a using-this sword". I think you mean "mi kakne lo nu pilno ti 
noi xacyba'e" or "...pilno le vi xacyba'e". "ko troci ma" is "Try to do 
what!?" (command and question together). I'm not sure how to translate it, 
but it's something like "do troci ba'e ma" or "do zukte fi ba'e ma". "mi 
pamoi lo'i viska be ny" should be "... be ky" (since it's a kreidanu) or "... 
be ta".

p. 5: "dispatch" is, I think, a euphemism for "kill". I think "vicious" is 
more "vlile" than "palci", but then I don't know how much moral sense 
kreidans have.

p. 6: "fesli'a" means "leave trash". Just "cliva" is what you want.

Pierre
-- 
I believe in Yellow when I'm in Sweden and in Black when I'm in Wales.

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