[lojban] multilingual lovesong

[nilcefas <nils.schaeffer@gmail.com>]

coi rodo

lately, i have been to a performance by "bodo wartke", a german "musik-
kabarettist". one of his pieces features a short love-poem, which he
translated into over eighty languages so far. these include conlangs
such as esperanto, quenya and klingon, but lojban is still missing. so
i made an effort to translate it with my rudimentary lojban-skills.
that's why i'd be glad if anyone could look through my translation...

the german original goes as follows:

>> ich will's in allen sprachen für dich singen, auf allen instrumenten zum erklingen bringen: ich liebe dich

his english translation is not quite exact, but is probably better in
terms of versification:

>> i want to sing in every language for you, baby, and play on every instrument to say these words to you: believe me, it is true - i love you

however, my attempt in lojban is based on the german original:

>> ni'o mi djica sanga bau ro bangu da .i mi se sance sepi'o ro zgitci da .i mi prami do .iu

jbofi'e tells me, that this is grammatical, but is it "good lojban"
too? especially the construction with the two "da" seems a little
strange to me (although it might be practical, because it provides a
sort of rhyme). i would like to include the ".iu" at the very end of
the verse, because these emotional indicators are such a unique
feature of lojban - unless, of course, this should sound too awkward.

i'd appreciate any ideas on this. also, if anyone has a translation,
that would fit better in the given meter or with a better rhyme, that
would be great! here's a link to the song:

http://youtu.be/J2UBXB4IhZM

thanks in advance!

nils

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