Subject: Re: [lojban] translation of "Mark"

From: Robin Lee Powell <[email-masked]>
Date: Wed, 4 Apr 2001 19:13:26 -0400

On Wed, Apr 04, 2001 at 10:24:55PM -0000, [email-masked] wrote:
> Please remember that this is my first attempt to express
> myself in lojban. I'd appreciate pointers on areas I need
> to study, and hope I haven't completely balled this up.
> The English follows my lojban.

I'm going to try reading it without looking at the English (although I
did read the English through once when I first recieved the message).
Feel free to ask me for reasons/help wrt my corrections, but for now I'm
just going to present them without explanation.

> A few comments:
> 
> Although it does seem good to use .iecu,yas. for Jesus,
> I didn't know what to do with the honorific "Christ", and
> .iesus.kristos. is more like the Greek. I don't have access
> at the moment to the Greek text, but I think .izeias. is also close.
> And "lord" (?) I know that "banli" is not right, but it was the
> best I could find.

banli is not even close, sorry. You want 'turni'.

> ni'oni'o

I would use ni'oni'oni'o; Book, Chapter, Verse, respectively, as the
verse breaks will not be obvious in the lojban.

> dei krasi le vreji le xamgu nuzba ku la .iesus.kristos.
> po'u cevni verba

This utterance is the start of the record [you need a 'be' before the
second le, or the 'le xamgu nuzba' is the x3 of krasi, which doesn't
exiist, I'll assume that's what you meant] of the good news [ need a
'bei' before the 'la' too; the ku is unhelpful at best, remove it] about
Jesus Christ, who is the [ need a 'le' before cevni] God Child.

[ You might not want to use the dei krasi thing at all; perhaps 'ca krasi'
"now, temporally, is the start of...". If you are going to use the dei
thing, I'd use cfari. ]

> .i le cukta po la .izeias. po'u cespre cu xusra lu 
> mi cu rinka do se lidne mi notcrida
> poi bregau dzuklaji po do

The book associated with Eezayas?, [ try '.aizeias.' for Izaiah ] who is
a [ need a 'lo' or 'le' before cespre ] holy person, asserts "I [ I'd
use "mi'e cevni" just before this] cause [ grammar breaks down here;
need a 'le nu' before 'do', I will assume same] the event of you being
preceded by the me type-of [ I think you meant 'le mi netcrida': my
message fairies ] message fairies which bring about being ready [you
almost certainly meant dzuklaji to be the x1 of gasnu; insert a 'le']
your walking streets.

[ I think you're taking the passage too literally; klaji is a physical
road, 'your way' in the original was not intended to mean a physical
road, I think. But then IANABiblicalScholar.]

> .i ra le voksa poi zvasti sudyfoi cu krixa 
> lu bregau dzuklaji po le banli

It the voice-sound which is here ceasing [I suspect a typo here] type-of
dry fields [note that you are talking about the sound that is a
here-ceasing type of dry field, not the sounds made by someone _in_
those dry fields] yells "Make ready the lord's [see my 'turni' note
above] walking roads.

> .i cu sirji gasnu dzuklaji po ko'i li'u li'u

[Unecessary cu] straight type of doing typo of walking roads [ I bet you
meant for there to be a le before dzuklaji ] for it-3 (you didn't bind
ko'i; try 'ty.', whic will bind to 'le turni'.]" "

-Robin

-- 
http://www.csclub.uwaterloo.ca/~rlpowell/ BTW, I'm male, honest.
Information wants to be free. Too bad most of it is crap. --RLP