[lojban-beginners] Re: Preliminary chapter 1 for Lojban learners

[Minimiscience <minimiscience@gmail.com>]

de'i li 16 pi'e 03 pi'e 2009 la'o fy. Robert Baruch .fy. cusku zoi skamyxatra.
> I've put together a quickie document for beginning Lojban learners. The 
> idea is not to use any language other than Lojban. Please look at it here: 
> http://www.scribd.com/doc/13331655/lojban1
>
> Could people with far more experience in Lojban than I take a look at it? 
> My objectives are that (1) it should be correct, (2) it should not  
> require verbose explanations even if you know nothing about Lojban  
> (visual or symbolic explanations are ok), (3) it should not require a  
> dictionary, and (4) it should use simple constructions which build up to 
> more complex constructions.
.skamyxatra

That was fast.

You really should have taken a bit more time to learn & become familiar with
the language first.  Most of the flaws in the text are little more than bad
style, but there are a couple actual errors.  Unfortunately, the more I look at
this, the less inclined I feel to critique it thoroughly, so for now I will
just give you a list of brief complaints without elaboration.

 - Don't use "{zo'e}."  Skip over unspecified places with FA tags (CLL 9.3).
 - No one terminates {sumti} before {selbri} with "{ku}."  Use "{cu}."
 - "{mo'o}" indicates the order of the surrounding text, not of the actual
   construct that it is attached to.  You should be using "{moi}" instead,
   which creates a {selbri}.
 - "{joi}" is NOT an all-purpose connective.  Among other things, it cannot be
   used to connect a {selbri} to a {sumti} as is done at the end of "{le remo'o
   cipra}."  Also, connecting two {sumti} with "{joi}" means that they are to
   be considered together, and any properties that one {sumti} has also belongs
   to the mass created by "{joi}."  While your uses of "{joi}" as a {sumti}
   connective appear to be technically correct, it would be far more
   appropriate to use "{.e}" instead, which means that the {bridi} is true for
   each individual {sumti} that it connects; similarly, "{gi'e}" (or possibly
   "{je}") would be a better alternative for {selbri}/{bridi} tail connection.
   See chapter 14 of the CLL on connectives for more information.
 - You appear to be placing a period at the end of each sentence.  While this
   technically has no effect, it is utterly unnecessary in Lojban, and it is
   somewhat misleading to natural language speakers as to the manner of
   sentence separation.
 - "{ma}" is the {sumti} interrogative; for the {selbri} interrogative, use
   "{mo}."

That's all I can see right now, though I didn't look very hard.

mu'omi'e .kamymecraijun.

-- 
ko jundi mi na.e lo selsku be mi