[lojban-beginners] One Ring inscription translation.

[Chris Patrick <neuroticmnemonics@gmail.com>]

Hi everyone! I'm rather the nintadni, and I was attempting to translate a few random snippets of text into lojban for practice. I was translating the One Ring inscription, and this is what I came up with.

(the One Ring inscription in Black Speech)

Ash nazg durbatulûk,                  [ash]: one [nazg]: finger ring [durb-] constrain; force; dominate [-at] participle [ul] them [ulûk] completive form of 'them'
ash nazg gimbatul,                     [gimb-]: seek out; discover

ash nazg thrakatulûk                  [thrak-]: bring by force; drag; to compel (something or someone) to go
agh burzum-ishi krimpatul.           [agh]: and [burzum]: darkness [ishi]: in; inside [krimp-]: bind;  tie

Translated:
pa lo degja'i ku minde ro ri
.i pa lo degja'i ku facki ri
.i pa lo degja'i ku klami'e ri
.i ri jongau ra ne'i lo xekri

As I hope you're able to tell, I tried to keep the metre of the original. The main questions I had when translating:

- {manku} doesn't rhyme with "ri", so I used {xekri}. Does {lo xekri} mean "the blackness"? Is there a word with similar meaning to {manku} that I could use and still have the line rhyme?
- I couldn't find a gismu for "retrive", in line 3. Would {bevri} have worked there? Or is it fine the way I did it?

Any relevant advice or corrections would be much appreciated.

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