On Tue, May 8, 2012 at 4:55 PM, Jorge Llambías
<jjllambias@gmail.com> wrote:
On Tue, May 8, 2012 at 7:52 AM, Jonathan Jones <
eyeonus@gmail.com> wrote:
> Anyway, before I upload the modified comic, are there any other errors
> anyone sees?
Right, my mistake. I think it's because the Ceqli version used "ka" (the equivalent to "ta") that messed me up.
26: "ji'a" should be after "la clalis" since it's her that is the
additional person having a pet, it's not about her having a pet in
addition to doing something else to it.
Noted.
31: I would use "bramau" rather than "fi" here. It seems like she's
making straightforward comparisons.
Well, yes, but I was trying to keep the grammar simple. Part of that was using gismu instead of lujvo if at all possible, especially in the earlier panels. That's not to say I won't do it, just that I'd like other opinions on the matter as well.
32/33/34: I think "norbra" is better than "na'obra", and I would also
prefer "brana'o" to "na'obra".
Do you have any particular reason for this, or is it just a personal preference? Also, would you prefer "norbra" over "brana'o" or vice-versa?
38: misplaced "ji'a" again.
43: "sepli" should be "sepsi'u", and "kansa" is about doing something
together, not really about location. I suggest "jonsi'u" or
"tolsepsi'u" instead.
Okay, the sepsi'u thing I get, but lo te kansa is an event /or/ state. I agree that "jonsi'u" is a better choice here, but I'd prefer to use gismu as I said above, I can't use any word involving jorne in the later panels, and the repitition of the word in multiple examples is kind of the point of those panels.
Do you have a suggestion I can use in place of sepli/kansa I can use in all those panels?
48/49: misplaced "ji'a".
63: To me "ko'a pafspe ko'e" means "ko'a speni lo patfu be ko'e", and
"ko'a be'aspe ko'e" is "ko'a speni lo bersa be ko'e".
So, "spepa'u" and "spebe'a"?
64: Similarly for "mamspe" (no need for "y").
"spemamta"?
67: "pa ki'o pa no no" is "1,100", not "1,000,100", which is "pa ki'o
ki'o pa no no". "du" is better than "mintu" for the equals sign.
Calling "-" sumji and "/" pilji is extremely weird.
Agreed, but mekso is awful, and I don't understand it, so I chose not to use it. If you can re-do the examples using mekso, I'll put those in instead.
Ah, yeah. Hmm. I think my reason for the sumji pliji weirdness was order. "li vo sumji li re li re" is "the number 4 is the sum of the number 2 and the number 2", yes, but it could also be read as "the number 4 less by the number 2 is the number 2". Now that I think about it, that sounds really stupid to me. Again, I don't understand mekso, so I did my best at the time.
72: x3 of "zmadu" should be a property, not a number.
Um, the x3 of zmadu is a propery /or/ quantity. lo se nanca is a quantity, specifically a quantity of years, unless I'm missing something.
mu'o mi'e xorxes
22-24,26,38,48,49,63,and 64 have been changed as per your critique. I'm going to wait on your response before I do anything to the others.