Re: [lojban] Elephants Dream first draft

[HeliodoR <exitconsole@gmail.com>]

(Original lines marked with asterisks.)

 

On Scene 1: Prologue.

 

*{zu'a mi'o ka'e viska}

This means "To the right of us an... is seeable."

Similarly,

*{ri'u mi'o ka'e viska}

means "To the left of us etc."

You can terminate the FAhA's with {ku} so You get

{zu'aku mi'o ka'e viska}

and

{ri'uku mi'o ka'e viska}.

 

*{.i roda snura si mulno snura}

I think he's not correcting himself, but confirming

what he has said:

{.i roda snura .i prane snura}.

 

*{doi .imos.}

{.i} is needed: he begins a new phrase.

Though here I would say

{.i be'e .imos.}

"Emo, may I go on talking to You?"

 

 

On Scene 2: Switchboard Trap.

 

*{na go'i xu do go'i}

Two separate phrases:

{na go'i .i xu do go'i}.

 

*{.i ko .e mi klama}

Then Emo nods and walks away to the opposite

direction.

{.i ko jo'u mi klama}

"You! together with I go."

 

*{ma se lidne}

I haven't seen the movie, but isn't this rather

{ca pu'o mo}?

 

*{do ba viska .i do ba viska}

{do ba viska .i do ja'a go'i}.

 

Shall I do the changes?

 

mi'e darves