broken phone

["G. Dyke" <gordon.dyke@bluewin.ch>]

Coi rodo

For those of you who participated (and those who didn't) here is the broken
phone chain (At last ! Sorry but I was away all week and didn't expect it to
be all over 24 hours after And received Pierre's translation). I did my
translation trying to keep the word-order as close to the original as
possible. I also created lujvo to replace single words and tanru for the
others. (You may notice that I follow the model set by Don in '96 for the
compiling of all this). I apologize for the length of this mail.

Noone managed to translate what they received with meaning intact. I vote
Craig start the next chain. because he's next on the list.

mi'e greg
zo gordon. cmene le patfu be mi

---

The original text came from "The Last Unicorn" by Peter S. Beagle (1968), a
few paragraphs before the end :

"He cupped his hands for the Princess Alison Jocelyn, and she climbed
wearily and in some bewilderment to the saddle. Schmendrick turned the
horse, saying, "You will surely overtake him with ease, for he will be
riding slowly. He is a good man, and a hero greater than any cause is worth.
I send all my princesses to him. His name is Lir."


1. Greg Dyke

.i la cmendrik. goi ko'a puki zukte lenu lei ri xance cu kevna kei tu'a la
prinsEs. .Alis,n. djOs,l,n. .ibo ri cpare .u'inairo'o .uanairu'e fi le
xirli'ustizu .i ko'a gasnu lenu le xirma cu carna kei secu'u di'e
ki tu'e .i ju'o do bazi backla fu'i fo'a ni'i leza'i fo'a baca'a masno
xirkla .i fo'a xamgu nanmu gi'e banli leka vrinau semau le vamji be roda poi
telda'a .i mi benji ro lemi tixnu be  nolraitru ku fo'a .i fo'a selcme zo
lir. tu'u


2. Craig Daniel

Shmendrick was making his hand into a cave pertaining to princess Allison
Joselyn. And she climbs, wearily, toward the horse-travel chair. Shmendrick
causes the horse to turn, saying, "Certainly you will soon come beyond,
easily for him - because logically he will continue to be slowly
horse-coming. He is a good man, and he is great in the property of bravery ;
braver than the value of everything that is faught over! I transfer all my
daughters of non-extreme government to him! He is named Leer."


3. Pierre Abbat

ni'o la cmendrik. zbasu le kevna be sera'a la .Alison .DJAselin noi
noltruti'u be'o le xance  .i ri tatpi cpare fi le xirli'ustizu .i la
cmendrik. cargau le xirma gi'e cusku lu ju'o do baza backla co frili ko'a
.ini'ibo ko'a ca'o logji ke masno xirkla .i.o'a ko'a xamgu nanmu .ije ko'a
banli leka virnu gi'esa'unai vrizma  le vamji be piro terda'a .i mi dunda ro
le naltce turni tixnu be mi be'o ko'a .i ko'a se cmene zo malzgan.


4. And Rosta

Shmendrick made Princess Alison Jocelin's hollow from the hands that crept
tiredly towards the saddle. Shmendrick turned the horse and said "Indeed, in
time you will surpass them easily and therefore they're riding slowly
calculatedly. How proud I am! -- they're good men, and great too, in that
they are brave and, furthermore, braver than anything worth fighting about.
I gave each of my princesslings to them. Malzgan is their name.


5. Jorge Llambias

la cmendrik zbasu le kevna be le nolraiti'u po'u la alizn djoseln lei xance
poi tatpi snomu'u le xirstizu i cy cargau le xirma gi'e cusku lu ju'o zaku
do ba se frili le nu do bancu ko'a i seki'ubo
ko'a tezu'e masno le nu xirli'u i o'a ko'a xamgu nanmu gi'e ji'a banli le ka
virnu kei gi'e ji'a vrimau ro da poi ke'a se vamji le nu damba fi ke'a i mi
pu dunda ro le mi nolraiti'upanzi ko'a
i zo malzgan cmene ko'a li'u


6. Rob Speer

Shmendrick creates the cavity in Princess Alison Joselyn out of the hands
which tiredly, slowly move to the saddle. He turns the horse and says, "I
know that, for a while, you will find it easy to exceed him; therefore, he
will make sure to ride the horse slowly. He is a good man, he is great in
his courage as well, and he is more brave than anything which is worth
fighting over. I have given him to all my princess daughters. Malzgan is his
name."


7. Xod

la cmendrik. ca zbasu le kevna be le da'amoi ke fetsi nobli po'u la
.alisn,djosel,n. be'o le xance poi ke'a tatpi jebo masno muvdu le xirma
trixe stizu .i C cargau le xirma gi'e cusku

".i ju'ocai do ze'aba bancu fu'idai fi ko'a .i ja'o ko'a masno .a'i
xirkla .i ko'a xamgu nanmu je ji'a virnu banli je zmadu fi le kamdarsi fe
roda poi mapti pa'e cnemu fi le zumdamba fo ke'a .i mi ba'o dunda ko'a ro
da'amoi ke fetsi nobli ke'e tixnu be mi .i ko'a du la malzgan."


8. Evgueni Sklyanin

With his hand moving wearily and slowly towards the saddle, Schmendrick made
a hole in Alison Jocelyn, the penultimate princess. He turned the horse and
said:  "No doubt, soon you'll easily transcend in his qualities.  Thus, he
is a slow rider. In the way of valour, he is great and braver than any
deserved battle reward. I have already granted him to all penultimate
princesses who are my daughters. His name is Evil Eye."

--

[1].i la cmendrik. goi ko'a puki zukte lenu lei ri xance cu kevna kei tu'a
la prinsEs. .Alis,n. djOs,l,n.

The sticky past tense was unstuck by Craig, then untensed by Pierre,
restored by And, untensed again by Jorge, made present by Rob and Xod and
finally restituted by Evgueni.
I still think my translation was quite good <o'acu'ibu> : "Schmendrick was
the agent of the action of making his hands hollow for the purpose of
something to do with PAJ."
Craig must have missed my {kei} which would explain PAJ having a hole in
her.
I should have written {djAs,l,n} (note my cmene to avoid translating
princess)
Jorge voiced the "s" in alison, this should have stayed voiced through to
the end
I don't know whether the short final vowel in "Schmendrick" always making it
back into English was a good or a bad thing.

[2].ibo ri cpare .u'inairo'o .uanairu'e fi le xirli'ustizu

I forgot the {dai} that I had intended to add after the attitudinals ; I
don't know how I could have expressed them with tanru. Craig told me he
couldn't work out the "in some confusion".
Pierre's {ri} unfortunately referred to the hands &&'s relative subsisted
throughout.
It was also unfortunate that {cpare} is glossed both "climb" and
"creep/crawl" with the effect climb -> creep -> slowly move -> [slowly and
tiredly][move] (I liked Xod's {jebo})
I don't know whether an x1 of xirli'ustizu can fill the place of a
direction, but I decided it was close enough. Thanks, And, for complimenting
my "saddle" lujvo. I don't care much for either "horse-seat" or
"horse-back-seat", but as Craig pointed out, it could have been some sort of
carriage - only by reverse engineering that I would have said {karce} does
the lujvo become fairly unambiguous.
cpare in this context almost warrants a zi'o in x2, pe'i it is also
unstatisfactory for climbing up ladders and stairs.

[3].i ko'a gasnu lenu le xirma cu carna kei secu'u di'e

I didn't write {cargau} because I find working out place-strctures for lujvo
rather taxing ; I wasn't sure the x2 would be the object that is turned.
Everyone else agreed with {cargau} though.
Using {C} is much nicer than assigning {ko'a}
I wasn't sure whether multiple utterances had their place in lu.li'u so I
used di'e followed by tu'e.tu'u

[4]ki tu'e .i ju'o do bazi backla fu'i fo'a ni'i leza'i fo'a baca'a masno
xirkla

This sentence got destroyed :^}
{ju'o} survived
I probably shouldn't have qualified the ba. I'm not quite sure why *i became
*a.
I still can think of no better lujvo for "overtake" (-> exceed ->
transcend).
I think fu'i can survive without the {dai}. Craig did, however,
missunderstand it. Pierre translated Craig litterally. And restored the
proper meaning and Xod restored the attitudinal.
I still think that ni'i is correct. (.ini'ibo also works). And inversed the
cause and the consequence - otherwise it would have worked quite well.
The baca'a that wasn't necessary went through became ca'o and died.
I liked Jorge Rob and Xod's efforts at adding some sort of cmavo to make the
sentence mean something (tezu'e, make sure to, a'i - I would have had
a'idai)
I like Jorge's xirli'u better then xirkla



[5].i fo'a xamgu nanmu gi'e banli leka vrirnau semau le vamji be roda poi
telda'a

I made two lujvo mistakes in this sentence: It should have been {vrinau} and
{terda'a}
I also should have put a {kei} after {vrinau}. What I put actually means "he
is great in the property of being more a hero than any cause is worth"
I'm not sure that Pierre's introducing various attitudinals is very good
from a translation point of view (that is, BTW also a problem with Hamlet
http://nuzban.wiw.org/wiki/index.php?HamletAct1Scene1 , if you put an
attitudinal in the play, it's as if you choose a tone of voice. If you don't
because they're not there in the original, the lojban actor cannot express
emotion without adding some - and he can't do this because it spoils the
meter (not yet, but I hope to transform my prose into verse - some day)
"than any cause is worth", became  "than anything worth fighting over" ->
[read what xod wrote]
This bit didn't do as badly as I'd thought

[6].i mi benji ro lemi tixnu be nolraitru ku fo'a

A pity about benji->dunda and Rob inversing the giver and the present (his
only mistake, BTW). I forgot the {lo} before nolraitru. Any {***ti'u be mi}
implies that there is a paternal relationship between Shmendrick and the
princesses, as Evgueni translated. I would comment more but I'm getting a
bit tired.

[7].i fo'a selcme zo lir. tu'u

I agree with And (I think). I chose {selcme} to preserve word-order