A first attempt at translation

["LeSchof" <theschof@cs.com>]

This is my first posting, I'm most of the way through "what is lojban"
and thought I'd start experimenting.  By way of introduction I am a
programmer with a large interest in programming languages and their
underlying paradigms, and lojban just seemed like the next step.  I
can't think of any practical purposes at the moment except for a vague
connection with the Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis that people are constrained
in thought by the languages they speak; lojban has far less
constraints, therefore a person who learns it would gain intelligence,
and I could certainly use some more.  Otherwise, it just seems like an
interesting thing to keep in mind, especially in my field.

As a side note, my other major interest, classical literature, gives
me a source for translation materials to lojban.  And lojbans'
vocabulary does seem woefully underequipped in the areas of
disembowling, impaling, rampaging, and archaic armarment in general--
all things which seem interesting cases for invention.

I've been attempting to translate the first passages of the Iliad as a
first crack at Lojban.  So far what I've been able to produce is:

.i o'onai .i doi fetcei ko cu sanga le go'i po'e le bersa ku ge'u ku
vau

Which I hope means something like:
Anger. (designate goddess(es) for imperative ko) command goddess(es)
to sing about the previous sentence (anger).  This anger belongs
(inseperably) to the son.

But I'm finding more and more reasons to doubt this is actually the
case.

My concern is that go'i refers to the last selbri, which might in this
case be the sanga, and not the o'onai.  But another concern is that
the o'onai appears to be a sumti-- not some 0-argument selbri-- in
which case would go'i refer to it at all?  If o'onai is a sumti I
still couldn't use ri to refer to it because another sumti fetcei,
follows it and this would be the value used instead.

But all of the above aside, I would like to indicate that this is the
rage of achilles-- a specific instance of son, parented by peleus; and
not just the anonymous son represented here.  I was thinking this
would be doable with the bridi relationship below embedded:
la axile'ys. bersa la pele'ys.
Then I could just use le (embedded bridi) to extract x1, in this case
the son-- achilles-- which would become the possessor of go'i, or
anger.
Although not represented in the tranlation, it is also almost a given
that peleus is the father of achilles, not a gender-neutral parent--
any suggestions on a good way of representing this within the bridi?

Thanks,
Alexander Schofield

-- Fagles' Translation

Rage-- Goddess, sing the rage of Peleus' son Achilles, murderous,
doomed, that cost the Achaeans countless losses, hurling down to the
house of death so many sturdy souls, great fighters' souls, but made
their bodies carrion, feasts for the dogs and birds, and the will of
Zeus  was moving toward its end.  Begin, Muse, when the two first
broke and clashed, Agamemnon lord of men and brilliant Achilles.