[Date Prev][Date Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next][Date Index][Thread Index]
[lojban] Re: Beginning of Esther
It turns out I can't pass by a Hebrew Bible translation without writing
voluminous commentary. Sigh.
Pierre Abbat wrote:
------------------------------------------------------------------------
1:1. ni'oni'o la bi'u .axacuiroc. nolraitru la xingug. bi'i la .itiopias. vu'o
no'u lo pareze jecpau
Are you getting your name transliterations from the Hebrew, or some
other source? It seems the Hebrew, since you have sounds that got lost
in English translations, in which case there's the minor question of
".axacuiroc." when the Hebrew is ".axacueiroc." Could be a typo, or it
could be that your source uses a little more knowledge of Persian
phonology and knows something I don't know.
As to the names in general, this is a more Hebrew-specific point, but if
you want to preserve the stress-patterns of the Hebrew there are going
to be a lot of capital letters. Stress normally falls in
Hebrew--actually I can't say that anymore, since I now know that it's
different in Samaritan Hebrew; let's say stress in *Masoretic*
Hebrew--on the final syllable, and on the penultimate a little less
often (and never earlier, though the definition of "syllable" may not
conform to what you would intuitively think). And so it's
".axacueiROC.", ".uacTIN.", "cuCAN.", ".esTER", "xaMAN.", "mordoXAIS." etc.
And while we're with names, does it make sense to stick with "xodun."
and "kuc." for the place-names? The translations as India and Ethiopia
are pretty well established though, actually. (yes, "xodun."; there the
stress is on the penult)
Me, I'd never be able to resist mirroring the "it came to pass..."
style, with something like "fasnu ca tu'a la .axacueiroc. noi
nolraitru..." I kinda like the sound of that.
1:2. .iseca'obo le nolraitru cu zutse le trustizu bene'i la cucan. poi badzda
1:3. .i ca le cimoi be le .abu nuntru be'o nanca cu gasnu le nu ro le ra turni
.e le ra selfu cu pixsla ga'a le perso ja natmrmedi jatna .e le partamu .e le
turni be le jecpau
What's {ga'a} doing here? I'm not following its purpose. I take "the
army/court of Persia and Medea..." as being in apposition to "his
officers and servants"; I'd have expected a {no'u} construction. I
suppose the fu'ivla "partemu" is okay; it stands out in the Hebrew too,
but it might be tough to figure out at first.
1:4. .i jarco le ka le seltru cu ricfu je carmi .e le ka .abu banli je tsali
ze'u lo djedi be li so'i pabino
1:5. .i ca le nu co'u pixsla .abu jajycpe ro zvati be la cucan. prenu noi banli
bi'i tolba'i ku'o le purdi be le nolraitru be'o selsruklo tezu'e pixsla ca'o
lo djedi be li ze
Very rearranged sentence-structure, but it's good.
1:6. .i lo labmatli .e lo ri'orbu'u .e lo blanu cu se lasna fi lo rijno djine
lo matlrbutsi joi zirpu skori .i lo marmoru kamju cu sabji .i lo rijno ckana
.e lo solji ckana@footnote{.a lu lo rijno joi solji ckana li'u} cu cpana lo
xunro'i joi marmoru joi boijmemai joi xekro'i loldi
Nice re-phrasing to fit the columns in, but is {sabji} the right word?
{se dandu} or something? What's {boijmemai}? It looks like a fu'ivla,
but I'm not seeing what it's based on.
1:7. .i punji le selpinxe lo solji kabri .i lo'i vrici kabri cu ficsi'u .i lo
nolraitru vanju cu mutce le ka le nolraitru cu dunda
Hey! Maybe you could use {te pinxe} instead of {punji}. Cool.
1:8. .i flalu le nu pinxe bai noda fu le nolraitru noi minde lei prenu pe le
ri zdani lo nu simna lo se djica be ro remna
{simna}? Woops. {sinma}. It sounds malglico; we don't venerate or
glorify someone's wishes, we respect them in the sense of obeying them
or permitting them... I dunno.
1:9. .i ji'a la .uactin. noi noltruspe cu pixslagau lei ninmu pe le truzda
be la .axacuiroc. noi nolraitru
{la .uacTIN. ji'a}?
Anyway, good job!
~mark
To unsubscribe from this list, send mail to lojban-list-request@lojban.org
with the subject unsubscribe, or go to http://www.lojban.org/lsg2/, or if
you're really stuck, send mail to secretary@lojban.org for help.