[lojban-beginners] Newbie help please - music lyrics

["LakMeer Kravid" <lakmeerkravid@gmail.com>]

coi .i mi'e lakmir.

....aaaand thats about as far as my fluent lojban goes. I'm completely
new to this list, have been trying to pick up lojban in my spare time
for a couple of months. I am a musician, and as such I have a real
interest in lojban in a lyrical format, and would love to try my hand
at lojbanic rock music. The purpose there is twofold: 1) I think
lojban is a fascinating, promising language and 2) I really suck at
lyrics in English :-P
So I've been experimenting writing some 4/4 rock music for singing
lojban over, with the goal of recording a handful of tracks and
perhaps releasing them in creative commons to help the lojban effort.
I have a few draft songs kicking around which are probably HORRIBLE
lojban and I would love for some of the more experienced guys to give
me some pointers.

I was reading about vlivla, and came up with a song inspired by jvijva
(defined as per the 'vlivla' node on the wiki). So here is draft one
of "le jvijva: The Rules of The Game":
(Warning: anti-religious themes, thats just me, no offense meant)

le zgivo'a pe le fetcei cu
dunda lo nanmu le xarxei
.i a'onai go'i jvijva

.e'unai .e'unai le jvijva

le midvo'a pe le jdaka'i cu
dunda lo nanmu le xarxa'i
.i a'onai go'i jvijva

.e'unai .e'unai le jvijva

kajde ko jdatib

If anyone could tell me what I've just written, I'll tell you what it
was *supposed* to say and we can work from there. It'd be a great help
both to my lojban and my songwriting.
Also apologies for spawning random lujvo. Its for rhythmic purposes.

ki'e rodo
mu'o