On Sat, Sep 24, 2011 at 12:43 PM, gleki
<gleki.is.my.name@gmail.com> wrote:
mi ckire ro do lo nu sidju be mi .ui - any mistakes ?
(Thanks to all of you for helping me !)
REFRAIN
What about this version of the refrain ?
.i fe lo klina krasi
ku fi lo melbi balvi
ku mi fi lo darbalvi
ku co'a klama vi
"fi" two times. Is it ok ?
Yes. Although it's usually discouraged, I think it works very well here (it means that both things fit in the same place of {klama} but leaves their relationship with each other vague)
"mi co'a klama vi" - "I'm starting going somewhere here". Is it ok ?
Because there is nothing after the {vi}, it [more or less] takes {zo'e} as its target, and ends up modifying the it modifies the main selbri to mean that the "going" is occurring near something (unspecified/obvious).
SECOND VERSE
I meant tutra of course. So that the voice is calling me into paradise LANDS. That's why I used territories - tutra. Is it wrong ?
Should I use reisku instead of cpedu ?
Then here is my suggestion
That makes sense now that you explain it. To me, though, it seems that {tutra} emphasizes the control or possession of the location. Try {stuzi} perhaps?
"The voice is asking 'What have you done for the future ?'"
.i lo voksa ku noi junri reisku lu do
fi lo balvi zmadu ku pu gunka ma
As the next sentence starts with .i then li'u can be omitted, right ?
No, because you can have multiple sentences in a quotation.
Or I have another version.
"The voice is asking what I've done for the future"
.i lo voksa ku noi junri reisku lo nu
mi pu gunka ma lo balvi zmadu ku
This is still not a bridi; everything after {noi} becomes part of the description of {lo voksa}, like "the voice which asks me" as opposed to "the voice asks me".
Also, I think that the second place of {reisku} needs to be {lo du'u ...}, and that {zukte} is more what you want than {gunka}.
THIRD VERSE
If pa'o is incorrect then re'o should be okay. If klama itself denotes motion then mo'i is superfluos, isn't it ?
I don't think so, but I'm not sure.
Anyway I'd like to know how to say "a path with no direction spots"
"lo ke no farna barna ke'e pluta ku" ?
Can I use "bo" instead of "ke ... ke'e" here ?
{no} doesn't work like that. "a path with no direction spots" is {lo pluta be se cau lo farna barna} or {lo farna barna claxu pluta} or {lo farba'a claxu pluta} or {lo pluta be se cau lo farba'a}.
My suggestion for now is
.i da voksa .ije sutra klama fa mi
fo lo ke no barna ke'e pluta ku
But I'd prefer sumtcita instead of place tags that are difficult to memorize.
I'd prefer more natlang-like but valid ways that are alternative to x1 - x5...
I've found that messing with {fa} etc only gets difficult when the selbri is late in the bridi.
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