[lojban-beginners] Re: One popular Russian song in Lojban

[gleki <gleki.is.my.name@gmail.com>]

mi ckire ro do lo nu sidju be mi .ui      -    any mistakes ?

(Thanks to all of you for helping me !) 

REFRAIN

What about this version of the refrain ?

.i fe lo klina krasi

ku fi lo melbi balvi

ku mi fi lo darbalvi

ku co'a klama vi

"fi" two times. Is it ok ?

"mi co'a klama vi" - "I'm starting going somewhere here". Is it ok ?

SECOND VERSE

I meant tutra of course. So that the voice is calling me into paradise LANDS. That's why I used territories - tutra. Is it wrong ?

Should I use reisku instead of cpedu ?

Then here is my suggestion

"The voice is asking 'What have you done for the future ?'"

.i lo voksa ku noi junri reisku lu do

fi lo balvi zmadu ku pu gunka ma

As the next sentence starts with .i then li'u can be omitted, right ?

Or I have another version.

"The voice is asking what I've done for the future"

.i lo voksa ku noi junri reisku lo nu

mi pu gunka ma lo balvi zmadu ku

THIRD VERSE

If pa'o is incorrect then re'o should be okay. If klama itself denotes motion then mo'i is superfluos, isn't it ?

Anyway I'd like to know how to say "a path with no direction spots"

"lo ke no farna barna ke'e pluta ku" ?

Can I use "bo" instead of "ke ... ke'e" here ?

My suggestion for now is

.i da voksa .ije sutra klama fa mi

fo lo ke no barna ke'e pluta ku

But I'd prefer sumtcita instead of place tags that are difficult to memorize.

I'd prefer more natlang-like but valid ways that are alternative to x1 - x5...

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