Re: [lojban-beginners] Re: One Ring inscription translation.

[ianek <janek37@gmail.com>]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feminine_rhyme

"A feminine rhyme is a rhyme that matches two or more syllables, usually at the end of respective lines, in which the final syllable or syllables are unstressed."

"Feminine rhyme is relatively rare in English poetry and usually appears as a special effect." - that may be why you're not familiar with it. In Polish poetry (the one I've grown up with) it's much more common than masculine, due to penultimate stress in most words, like in Lojban.

mu'o mi'e ianek

On Wednesday, March 28, 2012 8:19:36 PM UTC+2, aionys wrote:

What the hell is a "feminine" rhyme?

On Wed, Mar 28, 2012 at 9:31 AM, ianek wrote:

I wouldn't say that {ri} rhymes with {xekri}, bacause {xekri} implies a feminine rhyme and {facki ri}, {klami'e ri} both force a masculine rhyme.

And also, I doubt that {ri} may refer to more objects than the last sumti. So {ro ri} in the first line would be "all of the one ring".

Yes, translating pronouns to Lojban is hard.

mu'o mi'e ianek

On Wednesday, March 28, 2012 4:08:25 PM UTC+2, fraik. wrote:

Hi everyone! I'm rather the nintadni, and I was attempting to translate a few random snippets of text into lojban for practice. I was translating the One Ring inscription, and this is what I came up with.

(the One Ring inscription in Black Speech)

Ash nazg durbatulûk,                  [ash]: one [nazg]: finger ring [durb-] constrain; force; dominate [-at] participle [ul] them [ulûk] completive form of 'them'
ash nazg gimbatul,                     [gimb-]: seek out; discover
ash nazg thrakatulûk                  [thrak-]: bring by force; drag; to compel (something or someone) to go
agh burzum-ishi krimpatul.           [agh]: and [burzum]: darkness [ishi]: in; inside [krimp-]: bind;  tie

Translated:
pa lo degja'i ku minde ro ri
.i pa lo degja'i ku facki ri
.i pa lo degja'i ku klami'e ri
.i ri jongau ra ne'i lo xekri

As I hope you're able to tell, I tried to keep the metre of the original. The main questions I had when translating:
- {manku} doesn't rhyme with "ri", so I used {xekri}. Does {lo xekri} mean "the blackness"? Is there a word with similar meaning to {manku} that I could use and still have the line rhyme?
- I couldn't find a gismu for "retrive", in line 3. Would {bevri} have worked there? Or is it fine the way I did it?

Any relevant advice or corrections would be much appreciated.

--
mu'o mi'e .aionys.

.i.e'ucai ko cmima lo pilno be denpa bu .i doi.luk. mi patfu do zo'o
(Come to the Dot Side! Luke, I am your father. :D )

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