[lojban-beginners] Re: la melpelkre .e le ci cribe

["Turniansky, Michael [UNK]" <MICHAEL.A.TURNIANSKY@saic.com>]

> Actually, it occurs to me that if the English definition in the gimste
> is accurate, then {dukse} doesn't seem to work.  {ra glare dukse}
> would mean "it [the porridge] is a hot-kind-of-excess", presumably an
> abbreviation of {ra dukse le ka glare}, "it is an excess of hotness".
> But porridge is not heat, so it can't be an excess of heat.

> What about {le ra glare cu dukse}?  Or is the gimste definition simply
> misleading, and {ra glare dukse} is OK?


  Personally, I would reverse it, to "ra dukse glare" (it was an
excessive type of hot).
 
  As to the rest of the story, very nice.  A few stylistic points.  I
think you are being a bit needlessly specfiic in things like "zdadi'u"
and "prenu ckana".  Why not simply "zdani" and "ckana"?  Context makes
it clear, I should think.

> da pu sipna ne'i le mi ckana

  "ne'i"?  Does one really sleep inside a bed? I would be inclined to
use "sedi'o" instead.

Xorxes:

> {pu ca'o citka} or {pu citka pi so'u ...} would make things clearer.
> Without {ca'o} or {pi su'o} I read them as completed events.

  Well, aren't they completed?  She isn't eating the porridge any
longer...

  Further thoughts... maybe instead of mavdja, mavypesxu (or the really
ugly-sounding (IMHO) mavypexydja).  Also, if you want a three syllable
name for the protagonist, you could always use pelxykre, since in the
original, the middle syllable is unstressed as well... 

                  --gejyspa