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[lojban-beginners] Re: la melpelkre .e le ci cribe
On 01/06/07, Turniansky, Michael [UNK] <MICHAEL.A.TURNIANSKY@saic.com> wrote:
> What about {le ra glare cu dukse}? Or is the gimste definition simply
> misleading, and {ra glare dukse} is OK?
Personally, I would reverse it, to "ra dukse glare" (it was an
excessive type of hot).
That might work. I tend to put the quality first and the
quantity-word second in these tanru, simply because most Lojban that I
read has it that way (eg. glamau), but in this case I think I can make
an exception.
As to the rest of the story, very nice. A few stylistic points. I
think you are being a bit needlessly specfiic in things like "zdadi'u"
and "prenu ckana". Why not simply "zdani" and "ckana"? Context makes
I felt that in the context of a forest one would tend to read {zdani}
as a nest or den, something that a regular non-talking animal lives in
-- except for the {.ue}, of course, and until the vorme is mentioned.
And because you may already know the story :) So I made it a built
house specifically (got the word from the lujvo list).
As for {ckana}, I didn't fully understand whether "pallet" in the
gimste definition means that a bare {ckana} can refer to wooden
pallets for moving goods around in factories, so I was a bit careful
and specified (only on the first mention) that they are beds for
people. I agree I probably don't need that one.
> da pu sipna ne'i le mi ckana
"ne'i"? Does one really sleep inside a bed? I would be inclined to
use "sedi'o" instead.
OK, yeah.
Further thoughts... maybe instead of mavdja, mavypesxu (or the really
I like mavypesxu, thanks.
name for the protagonist, you could always use pelxykre, since in the
original, the middle syllable is unstressed as well...
Ah, good idea! I was a little unhappy that the stress didn't match the English.