[lojban] Re: le lalxu daplu pe la .inisfris.

[Jorge "Llambías" <jjllambias2000@yahoo.com.ar>]

la sanxiyn cusku di'e

> .i mi djica le nu cliva gi'e klama la .inisfris.
> gi'e vu zbasu le cmalu zdani le kliti ja jimca
> gi'e vu kurji le so dembi skuro .e le sakta bifce zdani
> gi'e sepli ne'i le bifce bo se cladu je ricfoi
> <<
> I want to leave and go to Innisfree
> and there build a small house out of clay and branch
> and there take care of nine bean furrows and a sugar bee nest
> and be alone within the bee loud forest
> >>

Notice that {vu} does not mean "there" in the sense 
"at the place just mentioned". You could use {bu'u ri} 
or {bu'u ibu} to get that meaning. {vu} simply means "far away".

I like {nonkansa} for "alone". {sepli ne'i ...} suggests 
that both le sepli and le se sepli are ne'i le ricfoi.

> .i vu cumki fa le nu mi surla poi dirgo farlu gi'e masno klama
> fi le cerni murta fe le snajalra nunselsna selzva
> poi gusni carmi ca le mijycte zi'e poi zirpu carmi ca le mijdo'i
> zi'e poi culno tu'a le cipni nalci ca le vanci
> <<
> There may be my rest which falls in drips and slowly comes
> from the morning curtain to the cricket sounding location
> gleaming during the midnight and being purple bright during the midday
> and being full of the bird wing related during the evening
> >>

I think {noi} rather than {poi} in all cases.

> .i mi roroi djica ca le nicte ja donri
> gi'e ganse le snosli sance pe le lalxu djacu
> ca le nu mi zvati le dargu ja ke dagysfe grusi
> .i mi ganse ra le condi risna midju
> <<
> I always wish during night and day
> and senses low sounds of lake water
> when I am at the road or the pavements gray
> I senses it by means of the deep heart center
> >>
> 
> I am sort of satisfied with the first stanza, but for other two
> I think they are not very good. The second one overly detailed
> and the third one simplified.

It is always difficult to translate poetry. Here's another version,
inspired by yours:

i ai mi cliva je klama i klama la Inisfris
gi'e zbasu lo cmalu zdani lo'e kliti joi jimca  
gi'e kurji so debyskuro e lo sakta bifce zdani
gi'e ai nonkansa le biclau ricfoi

i ba'a bu'u ibu mi lifri lo nunsurla
noi snofarlu le snajalra sagyselzva le cermurta
i bu'u ibu gu'ircai ctemidju gi'e zircai dormidju  
gi'e cipni nalci culno cerni

i ai mi cliva je klama i mu'i bo ze'eku
le snosli sance be le djacu poi darxi le la'urkoi ku'o 
ca le nu mi sanli le dargu a le dagysfe grusi kei 
se tirna le condi risna midju

mu'o mi'e xorxes



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