Re: le lalxu daplu pe la .inisfris.

["sshiskom" <mathmaniac@hanmail.net>]

Very late reply to #19444:

> I think {xaskoi} has been used for "coast" too.

Yes, I checked NORALUJV and found that {xaskoi} is already used
for "coast". For "horizon", {tankoi} looks nice.

* * *

John Cowan wrote:

> Like most Irish words, "Innisfree" has initial stress.
> I can't tell whether you intended penultimate stress or
> simply forgot to mark the irregular stress.

Simply forgot. Thanks!

* * *

la xorxes cusku di'e:

> Notice that {vu} does not mean "there" in the sense
> "at the place just mentioned". You could use {bu'u ri}
> or {bu'u ibu} to get that meaning. {vu} simply means "far away".

And I intended "far away". I understand {bu'u ri} is more likely
to be what Yeats intended, but Innisfree is far away -- far away
from the speaker of this poem, who is now on the pavements gray.

On the other hand, what is {bu'u ibu}? Isn't {ibu} a letteral
for "i"?

> I like {nonkansa} for "alone". {sepli ne'i ...} suggests
> that both le sepli and le se sepli are ne'i le ricfoi.

Does it? Hmm... I don't know of FAhA enough to say something,
but certainly I don't feel that way.

> I think {noi} rather than {poi} in all cases.

Agreed.

* * *

Some praises from newbie to guru (zo'o) follow:

> It is always difficult to translate poetry. Here's another version,
> inspired by yours:

> i ai mi cliva je klama i klama la Inisfris

Yes, you are right! Lojban has _attitudials_! That was what I
(subconsciously) looked for when I wrote {djica}.

But why {ai}? I think {au} would be more appropriate. My
understanding is that, the speaker doesn't really intend to go to
Innisfree -- he just hopes to do so. It's an daydream of a
tired urbanite.

> gi'e zbasu lo cmalu zdani lo'e kliti joi jimca  

{vu zbasu} I would write. A reason stated. And it seems I always
forgot that Lojban tense is "sticky"... Certainly Korean and
English language, which I am familiar, doesn't work that way. Do
anybody know of natural languages work this way?

Nice usage for {lo'e} and {joi}! Now I understand how these
words are used.

> gi'e kurji so debyskuro e lo sakta bifce zdani

I didn't know that I don't need LE if I have PA. My ignorance.

> gi'e ai nonkansa le biclau ricfoi

For {nonkansa}, stated, and I think {sepli} sounds better.

{biclau ricfoi} is charming, but isn't {le cladu} means "something
that makes loud sound"? Certainly forest doesn't make loud sound,
but is where loun sound is sensed.

> i ba'a bu'u ibu mi lifri lo nunsurla

{ba'a} is a nice touch... A good replacement of {cumki}. {bu'u ibu}
ki'a.

> noi snofarlu le snajalra sagyselzva le cermurta
> i bu'u ibu gu'ircai ctemidju gi'e zircai dormidju  

{bu'u ibu} ki'a. But these two lines are really nice!

> gi'e cipni nalci culno cerni

Obviously, {cerni} is a miss for {vanci}. Great all tanru phrase.

> i ai mi cliva je klama i mu'i bo ze'eku

{ze'eku} is astounding.

> le snosli sance be le djacu poi darxi le la'urkoi ku'o 

{be} is better than {pe}, really. I didn't know that tanru unit
may have embedded sumti. My ignorance. And r-hyphen of {la'urkoi}
sounds nice.

> ca le nu mi sanli le dargu a le dagysfe grusi kei
> se tirna le condi risna midju

sumti linked with {a} looks better than tanru linked with {ja}.

I'm not sure about {sanli}. Isn't it too detailed? Does sitting
on the bench by the roadway makes any difference?

* * *

And... yes, your rewrite of poem, as is, doesn't parse. You need
{cu} in front of {se tirna}. Better, you don't need {kei}. Just
use {cu}. Or if you are very fond of terminators, {kei ku} is
what you want.

mi'e sanxiyn.