On Mon, Sep 13, 2010 at 5:25 AM, Remo Dentato
<rdentato@gmail.com> wrote:
On Mon, Sep 13, 2010 at 1:55 AM, Jonathan Jones <
eyeonus@gmail.com> wrote:
> Typos:
> {xaysjukni} on p.19: {xasyjukni}.
> {ganlu} on p. 24: {ganlo}
> {li ro} on p. 24: {li re}.
> Okay, so this is all word choice matters, I didn't find anything wrong
> grammatically.
>
> In {.i la modix. jo'u le mamta vu'o goi ko'a tervecnu lo stagi}:
> Why did you use {lo stagi}, for "groceries", instead of {lo cidja}, {lo
> pinxe}, {lo cidja .e lo pinxe}, {lo se citka}, or {lo se xagji}?
Probably is my bad understanding of "groceries" (I'm not a native
English speaker) I thought it was mostly related to vegetables. Is it
instead "food" ?
Well, {lo stagi} is the edible portion of a plant. "Groceries" includes any and all edible and drinkable things, not just edible plants.
{lo cidja} is food, {lo se pinxe} is drink, {lo se citka} is something consumed (which I say is closest to "groceries"), {lo se xagji} is something hungered for.
> In {gi'e cuxna lo cnino blozeile'a lanci betu'i le stakumfa}:
> The living room is "a room in a home used... for leisure activities,
> entertaining guests, etc.; parlor.", and is also called the common room. I
> would suggest using either {lo kampu kumfa} or {lo kumfa bepa'u loka surla},
> {lo kumfa betefi'e loka surla} , or {lo surla kumfa}.
I like "surla" but I fear it may convey the sense that is a place
where someone goes to get some rest (so it would be similar to a
bedroom). "kampu" might be more appropriate. I'll think a little bit
more about this
I would call the bedroom {lo kumfa betefi'e loka sipna}, or {lo sipna kumfa} for short.
> In {... gi'e merli le ka lo my. ciblu cu danre kei ....}:
> I would suggest instead {...gi'e merli le ni my. ciblu danre kei ....}, "the
> quantity of (the blood type-of pressure) of M".
The problem for danre is that x1 is "the presser" and x2 is "the
pressed" so the "pressure" should be "lenu danre" (or "ledu'u danre"
??).
I'll try with "merli le ni ciblu du'u danre kei" let's see if it works.
> In {gi'e darxi le my. cidni}:
> You might want to consider specifying that the doctor is checking his knees,
> as {lo cidni} can refer to any hinged joint- {tuple cidni} or {tupcidni}.
Yes, good catch!
> In {...la modix. cu rere'u klama beki'u le jinku befi lo skorbuti .e zo'e}:
> I suggest {...la.modix. cu xruti klama beki'u....} or {... xrukla
> beki'u....}.
I'm not sure about "xruti". To me it as more the sense of "restore"
than "anew" (or "again")
Ah, well, {xrukla} means "x1 returns to earlier location x2 from x3 via route x4 using x5",
> Also, the English is "scurvy or something", but {lo skorbuti .e zo'e} is
> "scurvy and something". It should be {... .a zo'e}.
Right! I was mislead by the use of Italian "and" the would be used here.
> In {.i le blozeile'a beme'e la modix. na nelci le je'erse'atci}:
> I suggest {... na nelci lo jesni pambe} or {... lo jespambe}.
I would agree but I found "je'erse'atci" in jbovlaste for "syringe"
and I used it. I don't like "je'erse'atci" either ...
> In {.i ca le vanci ki le patfu po la modix. klama le zdani .i my. skicu le
> nu klama be le mikce briju kei le patfu}:
> I suggest {... .ije my. skicu ....}.
ok. I see the point. Maybe I should check if ".ije" is appropriate in
other points
> In {.i la modix. selgidva le cartu gi'e litru lo traji cilce xamsi}:
> I suggest {... le cartu ja'e lonu litru ....}.
not sure about this. I need some more thinking ...
My reason for suggesting {ja'e lonu} is that following the map is the cause for Modi sailing through the wildest seas.
> In {rivbi lo cicfe'u cizda'u noi dukse be le selterpa bei lenu le ta lisri
> cu skicu}:
> I suggest {... la selterpa ja'e lenu ...}, and you want {... lo ti lisri na
> skicu}.
I wanted to use the dukse x2 (the "fearness" is the aspect that is in
excess) and x3 (the standard is "what can be described in this
story"). I 've tried to rephrase it. Let's see if it's better.
I see what you're getting at. My suggestion was made to keep it more like the original.
> In {.i la modix. mo'u klama le bisli badydi'u tu'i lo cpana cmana}:
> I suggest {.i la.modix. to'e cliva ....} or {.i la.modix. tolcliva ....} or
> {... tolyli'a ....}.
I'm not sure. It seems too much of a jump to say that "arrive" is "the
opposite of leaving". I see your point but I need to think about it
more ...
> In {.i ne'i le badydi'u ....}
> I suggest {.i ne'i ri ....}, since the English is merely "Inside, ....".
> {ri} in this instance refers to {le bisli badydi'u tu'i lo cpana cmana},
> unless I'm mistaken, in which case I'd suggest {ra}.
It' si the castle. I've changed for "ri" now
> In {.i le xasyjukni mafcre cu cusku lu ... mi kei mi ta noi rokci cu dunda
> do ....}:
> I suggest {... mi dunda lo ti rokci do ....}.
The problem is that this would mean "the rock of this". There's an
example in CLL that says that the proper way of doing it is to use "ta
noi rocki" ("this, which is a rock") or "lo vi rokci" (the rock here
in the nearby). I
Honestly, if I could get away with it, I'd use {ti rokci} to mean "this rock", but {ti} doesn't act like {LE}. Closest legal is {ti pa rokci}.
>
> In {.i ca'o le je'erse'a ....}:
> I suggest {.i ca'o lo jesni se pambe ...}.
If I'll change the word for "syringe" I'll do this as well.
> In {... ku ganai do mutce jgari le rokci ....}:
> I suggest {... do mutce danre jgari ....}.
I like that. Just "holding" was too weak.
> In {... gi muvgau do ba'o le je'erse'a ....}:
> I suggest {... gi do muvdu ba'o lo jesni se pambe....}
Ok. I see "muvdu" works better
> In {.i le mikce cu sanga lo narcladu ca'o le nu le je'erse'a cu bredi seva'u
> la modix.}
> I suggest {... lo se pambe ....}.
>
> In {.i la modix cu stali ba'o le je'erse'a}:
> I suggest {lo se pambe cu mulno}.
>
> In {.i la modix. terdunda lo biskruji ca'o le nu klama bele zdani}:
> I suggest {.ije my. terdunda ....}.
Thank you! I will incorporate the changes and think a little bit more
about the "syringe" and "injection" translation.
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