[lojban-beginners] Re: Newbie help please - music lyrics

["LakMeer Kravid" <lakmeerkravid@gmail.com>]

On Thu, Apr 3, 2008 at 3:02 AM, Jorge Llambías <jjllambias@gmail.com> wrote:
>  1- Notice the order of the arguments in {dunda}: x2 is the thing given,
>  x3 is the receiver. It makes some sense in the first case: "gives men
>  to the imaginary-hater" but not so much in the second case with
>  the weapons.
>
>  2- Do you really want "man" as in {nanmu}, or as in {remna}?
>  Being a religious theme I expect something more general, or
>  at least I would want to know who are the women given to
>  (or what are they given).
>
>  3- {lo xebni} is not hate but someone who hates, in case you
>  mean it as the object given rather than the receiver of the gift.
>
>  4- You can use {le voksa be da} for someone's voice.
>  {pe} is not wrong, but the resulting association is not as
>  straightforward as when using the x2 of {voksa}.
>
>  5- {go'i jvijva} is a tanru, where {go'i} modifies {jvijva}. Not wrong,
>  but perhaps you want {di'u jvijva}.
>
>  6- You need {doi jdatib} to mark the name as a vocative. The
>  name by itself is ungrammatical there.
>
>  mu'o mi'e xorxes

Wow, thanks, thats really quite helpful. I can't believe I missed 1 and 2.
You're totally bang on with 3 as well although I'm not sure how I'd
fix it (intended meaning: 'imaginary hate' and it is now clear how I
got it wrong, ki'e)
Does 4 suggest that {le zgivo'a pe le fetcei cu} can become {le
zgivo'a le fetcei cu} be just dropping {pe}, and if so, is {cu} still
appropriate if the intended meaning is "The singing-voice of the
goddess gives men(humans, that is) imaginary hate."?
5: If {di'u} refers specifically to the utterance, does that include
the concept that it conveys? The intension of that line is that what I
just said is an example of the rules of the game.
6: Actually that last line is rubbish. I'll need to rethink that, its
not supposed to be vocative at all.

Updated lyrics, where I'm aware that {xarxei} is incorrect but at this
stage i'm unsure of how to correct it:

le zgivo'a le fetcei cu
dunda le xarxei lo remna
.i a'onai go'i jvijva
.e'unai .e'unai le jvijva
le midvo'a le jdaka'i cu
dunda le xarxa'i lo remna
.i a'onai go'i jvijva
.e'unai .e'unai le jvijva

thanks heaps xorxes,
mu'o