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Re: [lojban-beginners] One popular Russian song in Lojban



More commentary:

I'd say {voksa tirna} as opposed to {ti'e voksa}, because the point of {ti'e} is to express how you know something, not that you actually hear it.

I'd use {ra'i} rather than {to'o}, partially because I don't know what {to'o} does as a tag, and partially because {to'o} emphasizes literal movement, while {ra'i} emphasizes beginning/origination.

Fortunately, neither of these mess with the rhythm.

Also, just to make sure I'm not crazy here, the original Russian word which you translate as {balvi} doesn't mean "future" explicitly, right?

Continuing reading.

(The one thing I hate about lojban is the abundance of words where transposing two letters is a major mistake and the morphological plausibility of many others.  I'm looking at you right now, zo jbini and zo jibni. I initially misread the second line.)

You are aware that the {fe} in the second line is superfluous and you did it just for rhythm, I assume.
Also, the {noi} clause of the second line attaches to {lo [...] balvi}, which I assume is a mistake.

Perhaps the second line could be {gi'e vo'e jbini lo cerdirgo ku} (vo'e if you use my substitution; vo'a if you stick to your first line)?

In the third line, the thing after {ja'e} must be a sumti; and there are more mistakes in line four. And I can't figure out how to fix it without changing your meaning or breaking the rhythm.

Thinking in public here: {.i lo voksa zo'u mi lo maftri pluta / manci du'i lo nu verba cukmuvzdi}.

I'll think more later.

On Tue, Sep 20, 2011 at 4:49 PM, Alex Rozenshteyn <rpglover64@gmail.com> wrote:
And after hearing the first 5 seconds of the song, I recognize it.


On Tue, Sep 20, 2011 at 4:43 PM, Alex Rozenshteyn <rpglover64@gmail.com> wrote:
Interpreting as addressed to me, In which case I'm not sure what you're asking; I think I meant to use both words as I did.


2011/9/20 Luke Bergen <lukeabergen@gmail.com>

.u'i djisku zo tu'a ji zo ti'e

On Sep 20, 2011 2:48 PM, ".arpis." <rpglover64+jbobau@gmail.com> wrote:
> .i mi ji'a se rukybau .i ku'i mi zvati lo merko .i mi ba'e ba tinju'i lo
> selsa'a .i ku'i caku mi simlu co srera tu'a zo ti'e
>
> Я тоже говорю по Русски, но я живу в Америке. Я послушаю песьню, но пока мне
> кажетсо йто слово "tu'a" не правельное.
>
> I also speak Russian, but I'm in America. I am going to listen to the song,
> but I thing "tu'a" is the wrong word.
>
> PS: Apologies for my bad Russian spelling and grammar; I never learned to
> write.
> PPS: Apologies for my bad lojban expressivity; I'm still learning to write.
>
> On Sat, Sep 17, 2011 at 8:58 AM, gleki <gleki.is.my.name@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>> Hi from Russia. I'm very interested in Lojban language. Together with my
>> pen friends
>> I decided to translate one text into Lojban. It's a popular Russian song
>> called "Wonderful Distant Future".
>> Here is the accompaniment<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEQ69ytcSGw&feature=related>.
>> And here <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XueqDSQQcvA>is the song itself in

>> Russian.
>>
>> I also translated the song into English so that you can check my
>> translation. English translation doesn't preserve the rhythm. Lojbanic does.
>>
>> I hope you'll point out my mistakes so that i can make corrections and and
>> then upload the song onto Youtube.
>>
>> I can hear a voice from the Beautiful distant Future
>> A morning voice in a silvery dew.
>> I can hear the voice and a luring road
>> Is driving me mad like a merry-go-round in childhood
>> *Refrain:
>> **Oh the Beautiful distant Future !
>> Don't be cruel to me !
>> Don't be cruel to me !
>> Don't be cruel !
>> From a clear source
>> to the Beautiful distant Future,
>> to the Beautiful distant Future
>> I'm starting my way.
>> *
>> I can hear the voice from the Beautiful distant Future
>> It's calling me into wonderful lands.
>> I can hear the voice and it's strictly asking me
>> What I did today for tomorrow
>>
>> I swear that I'll become more pure and kind
>> And will never leave my friend in trouble
>> I can hear the voice and I'm running in a hurry to the calling
>> Via a road where there are no trails
>>
>> ti'e voksa to'o lozu melbi balvi
>> ku noi jbini fe lo cerni dirgo ku
>> .i da voksa ja'e makfa trina pluta
>> du'i lonu vofli ku macri'a mi
>>
>> .i doi zu melbi balvi
>> ko ba fe mi na jursa
>> .i pe'u doi zu balvi
>> ko jimpe fi mi
>> .i fi lo klina krasi
>> fe lozu melbi balvi
>> .e lonu manci balvi
>> cu klama ca fa mi
>>
>> ti'e voksa to'o lozu melbi balvi
>> ku noi klacpe lo tcemanci tutre ku
>> .i da voksa zo'u da ca junri cpedu
>> lu do gunka fi bavlamdei pu fe ma
>>
>> .i mi nupre lonu mi ba vrude zmadu
>> gi'e sidju lo mi pendo ku roi ku
>> .i da voksa ja'e sutra bajra fa mi
>> fe lo pluta be fo li no farna ku
>>
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>
>
>
> --
> mu'o mi'e .arpis.
>
> --
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          Alex R




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          Alex R




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          Alex R

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