In my translation the island is called "la .tcangas."
.i doi .tcangas.
blanu tsani vi
.i doi .tcangas.
cimni criso .ui
cimni crisa .ui
.i doi .tcangas.
gleki xabju ki
.i doi .tcangas.
mi'a sanga ti
{sanga ti} doesn't really make sense; {sanga dei} means " sing this song"
Conveniently, while the bare {ki} is grammatical, it's very unlikely to be used, since you have no sticky tenses. {pei} makes the most sense of all the other 1-syllable words that rhyme with {dei} in {ki}'s place.
I'd say {do} rather than {ti}, since you've been talking to the island throughout the last verse.
This reads as "The experiencer is freedom." Probably not what you wanted to say. Maybe {.i lo selfri ku ka zifre}? That say "The experience is freedom."
.i lo lifri ku ka zifre
.i doi .tcangas.
. i nu gleki lo ro vitke
. i temcimni narge citka
This means something like "We eat eternal nuts." not "We eat nuts eternally." Tanru group left. Consider saying {ro roi narge citka} and filling the missing syllable with something.
As above
.i doi .tcangas.
.i doi .tcangas.
xamgu stuzi .ua
.i doi .tcangas.
mi'a surla ca
.i doi .tcangas.
.i ko troci ti
This line doesn't make sense; the {ko} refers to the island and the {ti} refers to something that the speaker is pointing at (or otherwise physically indicating). Also, the second sumti of {troci} must be an event sumti, or equivalently, a non-event sumti preceded by {tu'a}
.i doi .tcangas.
mi'a kelci vi
Could you post the whole translation of Прекрасное далеко so that I don't look at wrong parts?
jbofanva's not dead; it's just resting. {zo'onai ku'i} I would like to see more traffic there, but it seems everyone (including me) has more pressing things to do than short translation projects.