Le mercredi 23 octobre 2013 14:57:53 UTC+9, Paul Rapoport a écrit :
coi rodo
.i mi pu fanva le pemci goi ko'a
.i zoi gy.This is just to say gy. cu cmene ko'a
.i .e'o ko mencti
ki'e .i .au so'u da pinka fi mi
.i tu'e
ju'i do'u mi cusku sa'u le nu
mi puba'o citka
le so'o zirsmela
noi nenri
(poi nenri)
# I would use {poi} rather than {noi} because I think the clause "that were..." restricts "the plums".
le bistanxe ku'o
(le bista'e)
# {bista'e} is shorter. This {ku'o} can be omitted because the following {zi'e} makes clear that the clause terminates here.
zi'e noi
la'a do puca'o
ralte
(jai gau sorcu)
# I think this "saving" means "reserving/storing" rather than "keeping in possession". I need {jai gau} for making {do} be x1 of {sorcu}.
tezu'e cersai
-> tezu'e lo nu cersai
# Because this {tezu'e} should make a term of the bridi {do puca'o ralte} or {do puca'o jai gau sorcu}, it should be followed by a sumti. I would accept {tezu'e lo cersai}; however {tezu'e} takes a goal/result of {zukte}, and I am not sure how "a mass of breakfast" {lo cersai} can be a goal/result of an action. {lo nu cersai} is better if the goal is "taking breakfast".
.i .u'ucui ko fraxu le nu la'e go'i
-> .i ko mi fraxu
# {fraxu} x2 is a person. {la'e go'i} is not grammatical because {la'e} should be followed by a sumti and {go'i} is a bridi. As a translation of "Forgive me", {ko mi sidju} is necessary and sufficient.
.i be'unai .oinairo'o da pu kukte
-> .i zy pu kukte
# {da pu kukte} is equal to {su'o da zo'u da pu kukte}, which means "there is at least one x such that x was delicious", and not suitable here. The pronoun "they" of the original text indicates "the plums", which you translated as {le so'o zirsmela}. This sumti can be represented by {zy} taken from the first letter of {zirsmela}.
.i titla mutce
gi'e lenku mutce
# The last three verses form one sentence beginning with "they"; {kukte}, {titla mutce} and {lenku mutce} take the same terms {zy} and {pu (ku)}. I would translate this part as follows:
{.i zy pu kukte
je titla bo mutce
je lenku bo mutce}
or
{.i zy pu ku kukte
gi'e titla mutce
gi'e lenku mutce}
tu'u
re'i mi'e lorxus
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