Am Dienstag, 7. Januar 2014 16:47:16 UTC+1 schrieb .asiz.:
Chapter 3
9. {co'a zùkte lo nu brebì'o lo nu lìtru se ka'a la ri'òjme tcàdu};
Why {litru se ka'a} instead of plain {klama}? Is it just for variation, or is there some nuance you are trying to emphasise? I understand that {klama} is telic, but I can't see it making a difference here.
{klama} alone sounded too plain for a journey. Maybe {li'ukla}.
10. {sei la .dòrotis. fau lo nu xùlgau vìmcu lo cìnje be ty};
Did you forget a {cusku}?
Yes.
11. {lo tolcì'o ke kiljì'o je blànu màpku};
Wouldn't {se kilji'o} or {jipkinli} be more appropriate? The hat is either jipno2 or kinli1.
Weeell it's a tanru. (Changed)
12. {pa lo kànla cu màsno kalgaislìgau lo kànla};
ki'a?! Did you mean something like
{cy masno kalgaisligau pa da}?
That's what happens when you translate for four hours straight...
It should be {cy. masno kalgaisligau lo kanla}.
Chapter 4
13. {cy boi dy kànsa lo ka glèki cmìla lo dy. malfu'a};
Did you mean {lo cy. malfu'a}?
Yup, thanks. (These letter pronouns really aren't great)
14. {va'o lo nu mi sràku my ja'e lo nonsèlsfe te zu'e lo nu mi ka'e cìtka};
Why {nonselsfe}? What about {kevna} or {nonselgai}?
He's talking about cutting a hole into his painted mouth. It's not exactly a {kevna}, since it's not concave, but simply nonexistant afterwards. The other option is {kunti}.
15. {pa lo pa moi se zùkte cu nu pirfì'i lo mi kèrlo kei};
15.1. Wouldn't {so'o moi} fit better?
That's an interesting idea. I treat "one of the first things" as there being several things that are pa moi together, and the current action is among that first group.
15.2. Why {pirfi'i} and not {te pixra fi}?
Because I don't consider {te pixra} an action. It's more of a made-by stamp.
16. {ki'u lo nu pa re'u nu mi vìska lo mùnje};
Is that second {nu} intentional?
Four hours! Although if I recall correctly, some days were closer to six hours.
Fixed.
17. {da tai tolkùfra lo nu da djùno lo du'u da bèbna};
Why not {zo'e} here?
{tai tolkufra lo nu vo'a djuno lo du'u vo'a bebna}
Repeating {vo'a} so much isn't my style. "Some are so ... about knowing that they ... that they ..." works fine with {da}.
18. {dùnda lo lànka la cpitèpygau};
Don't we have {benji} for this?
She gives the basket to the Scarecrow, that's plain {dunda}.
19. {mi'o bìlga lo ka klàma ro da poi dy mi'a da klagì'a};
The alternation of pronouns baffles me. I would use {ma'a} all along.
That second {mi'a} should be {mi'o}. I use {mi'o} because the speaker is addressing the rest of the group and including themselves, but there are no others involved, so {ma'a} doesn't fit.
Thanks again for all the comments. And I haven't forgotten about the spreadsheet.
mi'e la selpa'i mu'o