My thanks to mezohe for the thoughtful and helpful criticism.
I am still absorbing the points and hitting the books to figure out stuff I may have misunderstood before.
A couple of questions, though....
The suggestion "ba bo kuhi lo nu la fernandos cu desygau le stedu kei cu kanzeri tuha lo natfe i"
includes a word "kanzeri" that seems to be a stage 4 borrowed word, but I don't recognize the borrowing, and it's not in the online dictionary.
What does it mean?
In the suggestion "lo cmalu je nakni bakni poi ki foho vi xabju kuho" (and another place)
what is the intention behind adding "ki"?
Since I don't have any sticky tenses already set, there are none to cancel.
Is the "ki" just there for hygiene, just to clear the stage, so to speak?
mihe la bremenli pohu laho gy Vincent Broman gy
On Wednesday, January 25, 2017 at 3:21:08 PM UTC-8, mezohe wrote:
2017-01-24 17:56 vpbr...@gmail.com:
> I have translated into lojban an amusing children's story about Ferdinand,
> the gentle Spanish bull.
> It is intended for intermediate language learners, with somewhat simplified
> grammar and almost no compound words,
> though there are many phrase compounds.
>
> Before I make an audio recording, add pictures, etc, I wanted to beta test
> a semi-final draft,
> hoping for comments and constructive criticism from kindly jbopre with more
> experience than I have.
> The plain text below has English and lojban interleaved by lines, and the
> viewer supports downloading the text.
> This text parses, at least.
>
> https://app.box.com/s/kwi7c4k81ljjvpg2jgn239frw3b17o4v
>
I've attached a diff with some notes and changes from a first pass
through it. This feels like one of those pre-CLL criticism threads that
selckiku likes to reminisce about!