[lojban-beginners] Re: metaphorical poor

[Alexandre Dezotti <dezotti.alexandre@gmail.com>]

>  > You might wonder why i need this...
>  > Well, i'm trying to learn by translating things. And so, i'm wondering
>  > if there is a place where people work together in translating (somehow
>  > classical) texts, one could show the translation and people say if one
>  > should change things etc.
>
>
> If it's not too long, you can probably send it to this list and ask
>  for comments.

Well, i only TRIED to translate the first sentence, this is a poem of
François Villon (1431-1463?) : "Frères humains".

Here is the original (old) french version :

Freres humains qui apres nous vivez
N'ayez les cuers contre nous endurciz,
Car, se pitie de nous pauvres avez,
Dieu en aura plutot de vous merciz.
...

(compare http://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ballade_des_pendus)

With english translation :

Brothers and men that shall after us be,
Let not your hearts be hard to us:
For pitying this our misery
Ye shall find God the more piteous.

(from http://www.everypoet.com/Archive/poetry/Francois_Villon/index.htm)

And the following is my lojban "translation", i put the worst parts
into brackets :

doi remna tamne noi ba mi'a jmive
na ko [iunai cinmo fi mi'a]
ki'u lo nu [dai cinmo fi uu mi'a ]
cu rinka le nu fi la cev. [zabna] fe do

i won't translate the following part within a while, i'll concentrate
on simpler things...

Any comment and improvement are wellcome.

mu'o